Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Guy friends

I miss having guy friends.

(Let me be clear: I am not talking about a boyfriend or any type of romantic companion/fling/relationship.)

I just miss having guys in my life who are my go-to people. I used to have the best guy friends!!!! Tons of them! We have since all grown apart. But for years and years, I had up to 10 at any given time that I could text or call or just go hang out with and be myself with. I'm not just talking quantity, either. These were all amazing friends, and I had awesome relationships with them all.

I've gradually turned into an old fart of a 20-something woman who stays at home most of the time with her kiddo or only goes out when errands are necessary. My friendship artillery is a whole hoard of women--nothing wrong with that, nothing bad...just vastly different from age, oh, 14 on. It's a huge adjustment for me.

Guy friendships are easy and natural. Secrets feel safer. Jokes come easier. There are no emotional over-reactions to deal with. Very little drama. More adventurousness and spontaneity and random/fun activities. A good amount of space and alone time and non-high-maintenance.

I suppose I'm just feeling rather hum-drum these days.

So, if any young whippersnapper guys are out there who want to be my sounding board and activities companions all spring/summer and beyond, apply now.

Also, I need some member of the male gender at some point to show me that not all of you are selfish scumbags.

K. So there's that.


Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Must be nice

Tonight I discovered that someone I have blocked on Instagram (and all social media) has been using my daughter's hashtag, #kimmyjarae.

Too bad hashtags are public. In my naivety, I was eagerly scrolling back through my Kimmy hashtag, expecting to see nothing other than my own tagged pictures of my baby girl and visualize how much she's grown over the past few months.

So, intent. Is this being done as a means of provocation? (Who knows, and my brain probably doesn't need to be there anyway.) As a means of trying to fit in? Most definitely. And that's just so sad!

It must be nice to occasionally play house with a well-behaved, loving toddler who isn't yours. Whose discipline and teaching you have had no part in. Whose care and financial provision you take no part in. Whose heart you've not protected from the womb days on. Whom you never nursed, never anxiously waited up with all night until the doctor's office opens at 8am so that you can her her in for a much-needed appointment, never been present with for a first anything. I'd imagine that would make you feel like the odd woman out right quick.

(Actually, I'm thankful that Cheaterman's partner in deception claims to love my daughter. If it's at all genuine, that's absolutely the best outcome for my sweet daughter in the swirl of all of this childish, flighty behavior.)

What's despicable and sad is that she's thrusting herself full force at a toddler who is in a very vulnerable stage of transition. She doesn't need gifts and forced selfies with a non-Mom figure who is showering her with confusing messages via PDA with her dad and who knows what menagerie of other nonsense!

Hashtag confusing. Hashtag givehertimetoadjust. Hashtag considerherperspective.

What's more, how can one live with herself when she is outwardly taking away from her partner's daughter's livelihood? He can't scrape together more than $500 per month for his daughter (which ONLY covers just over half of one month's childcare costs; let's not even talk food, medical insurance, housing, clothing, or personal care. It's mayyyybe 1/3 the actual cost of a child's monthly expenses, and that's if I'm being generous), yet he can afford dinners out and God knows what else with this person?

Hashtag IRRESPONSIBLE. Hashtag growup. Hashtag wakeup.

This is why I block people on social media. I do not want to be party to these people's dreamworld/alternate reality.

Going to sleep tonight seriously THANKING GOD from the bottom of my heart that I have a strong sense of reality, that my daughter's emotional health is priority numero uno at all times, that I have the selflessness and sheer common sense to put my baby first, and that I have an entire magazine of means to take care of my daughter and help her thrive.

That's why she calls me Mom.

Hashtag onlyone.