Hmmm, where to start on this topic? Let's go here first:
I'm a feminist. I will advocate for women's equality until the day I die. Equal pay. Equal rights. Removal of sexism from all aspects of life. There is no wrath like the wrath of a woman scorned, and media and society do a lot--both intentionally and unintentionally--to "put women in their places."
One thing that absolutely boils my blood is the societal idea that women are too high-maintenance and have standards that are both too high and unrealistic.
Society could not be more wrong.
Women have high standards because they know what they want, and they know what they deserve. We are clear thinkers. We may change our minds a lot, but we have coherent goals, dreams, and plans. I'd even venture to say that we're even better off for being mind-changers because that implies malleability and resilience and flexibility and adeptness and pure, effervescent wit.
Beyond that, we are absolutely entitled to have the standards we have--for people, for relationships, for jobs, for parenting, for gender equality, for healthcare, for women's rights, for life--and we should be lauded for having such a firm grip on our wants and needs.
A lot of times, "standards" and "goals" are interchangeable words. Why should one gender be allowed to set clear goals and the other held in constant contempt for it?
Sorry, men, but women keep the world running. We bring a hell of a lot to the table. I dare you to try to do it without us!
Anyway, off my soapbox. Kind of.
--
I'd like to advocate for women never to be afraid of having high standards and never to settle on something below those standards if it is within your power. It could lead to getting lost in a total mess, whether that's a bad relationship, a job that's a waste of your time, doing things for people who don't appreciate you, a whopping pile of debt, etc.
Set your standards high and hold your ground. Your life will be so much more amazing because you'll be living it on your terms. Circumstance and person will not affect your outlook and ambitions.
I've got a lot of standards for my future, and I refuse to find myself in a situation within my choosing that's too far away from those ideals. I'm specifically talking about future relationship, financial, and professional/educational goals for myself.
If I enter into another relationship in the future, it must be with an honest man. Honesty makes everything else tolerable, or at least overcome-able. He must be honest and worthy of my trust, time, and attention. Beyond that, he must be worthy of the time he will take away from Kimmy and Mommy 1:1. He must love my child as much as me and/or as much as his own if a blended family is in my future. He must be someone I can be comfortable praying with/around.
My financial standards include being debt-free with the exceptions of car and home loans in my future. I will save for emergencies, for Kimmy's college education, for retirement, and to help others. On these standards, I will not bend, unless forced circumstance would make it so.
I will receive a graduate degree, come hail or high water. [I think the generally accepted phraseology is "come hell or high water," but "hail" makes so much more sense to me. Natural disaster + natural disaster versus death + natural disaster. I've changed it to "hail" for myself. Why? Because I can.] I'm willing it to happen. I will not break this goal. I will work during my working years and my retirement years. I will help others all I can. Lord willing, I will spend my retirement providing free childcare for a future single momma around my age now, so she can work and save and not have to worry about the most worrisome time of life. But I can figure all that out when the time arrives. It's my plan, at least!
Why should I be made to feel "less than" for having such high standards for myself, my daughter, and my/our future?
Sorry, boyz. I'm standing strong. Row your boat to my island, or row right on by and leave me be.
Cheers,
-Kelsey
Monday, February 9, 2015
Unsolicited advice
I don't know what it is about my life in particular, but people have always felt especially compelled to give me advice on a myriad of topics. I'm also one of those people who, when out in public, gets approached by the most random people, who then proceed to tell me their entire life story. And then, ironically, a lot of people come to me for advice, so they can't think I'm entirely dim...right? These things don't seem to happen to most of my friends on so large a scale, and they certainly don't add up in my mind. So, I'm just incredibly perplexed and always have been.
The life stories thing is more entertaining to me than anything else, but I find the unsolicited advice to be tiresome and draining more often than not, plus it draws unwanted attention to me. I'm a true introvert and like to hide behind a curtain in my life without people seeing my every move (Yeah, I know that probably sounds weird out loud, but it's true. Don't notice me, people!) And even people who know me and know how often I post on FB are probably reading this thinking, "What? You post all the time. You post everything that happens in your life." Wrong. I'm a really busy and active person, so much so that it makes my head spin and causes me to live out my hectic life on detailed post-it note lists, and I really only post like 1% of my thoughts and feelings and life happenings, believe it or not.
I feel like I am very clear in when I am asking for advice and when I am definitely not, so I am often left with swirling questions. Do people think I'm stupid? Do I appear to lack common sense or the ability to think for myself? Do I come off as dependent--the direct opposite of the independent person I actually am? Do people want to feel like they have a say in my choices and be stakeholders in my life? Is my life really all that outwardly interesting (because it certainly doesn't seem like it to me)? Do people even care about what they're pushing advice on, or do they just like to hear themselves talk? Even if I take someone's advice or if I don't, why does it matter/pertain to them?
Like I said, I really don't get it. I know people care--I get that part--and I certainly don't mean to sound snobby or rude or pretentious. I just truly don't understand why I'm the target of so much more advice than your average Joe. And, especially since becoming a single mom, I've had to fight off even more advice than usual. It's not that I don't love the people who are "helping" me--I do, and I have nothing personal against anyone who offers me advice, but rather a general feeling of disdain about it all.
The point is, though, that I want to figure things out for myself. I enjoy a challenge and a learning opportunity and the ability to learn from potential mistakes. I don't have a fear of falling or failing in most things (postgraduate education is an exception because I have been there, and I have failed) because I'm very in tune with my resilience. Even if someone tells me of their failure with an exact decision that I'm making in an exact scenario I'm in, it's absolutely meaningless to me until I experience it for myself. Example: people's movie recommendations. If someone tells me a movie is terrible, and I shouldn't see it, I 100% disregard their sentiments--on purpose, as well as an innate response within myself. I totally ignore it. If I want to see a movie, I go see it, regardless of what someone else thought of it. Even if that opinion comes from my most trusted circle. Why? I have to experience it for myself.
Maybe I'm just so independent that I'm over-sensitive to the whole topic of unsolicited advice and feel boxed in and defensive and like I need to stick up for myself, but I find it very hard to bite my tongue at times. Especially those times when my absolutely harmless Facebook posts turn into a gigantic controversy of people flat out telling me what to do, as if I'm asking for their permission. I find myself thinking, "HELLO?!?! You do not own me or my decisions! Being 26 has it's benefits--it means I'm an adult who can make sound decisions for my own life. I am not a child, nor do I act like one. In fact, I have one...for whom I have been making important, foundational decisions for 2.5 years now! Treat me as such. Hush. Leave me alone. Get off my back. Butt out. Silence!"
Yeah. Responding to unwanted advice is one of my biggest challenges as a Christian--right up there with patience, a virtue with which I was not blessed. I truly struggle with it. Huge personality flaw of which I am quite aware. I have always walked the line of...
I guess what it boils down to is honesty. Honesty is the one human capability that I value first and foremost above all else in myself and in other people. By speaking out against the arrows of advice people send soaring my way Katniss-Everdeen-style on a daily basis, I am projecting honesty. Perhaps I just need to continue my journey on the path of Balance to find that happy place where I'm not also projecting angry-bear-who-just-awoke-from-hibernation / #LEAVEMEALONE!
#sorrynotsorry? #imnotperfect #workinprogress
Peace.
-Kels
The life stories thing is more entertaining to me than anything else, but I find the unsolicited advice to be tiresome and draining more often than not, plus it draws unwanted attention to me. I'm a true introvert and like to hide behind a curtain in my life without people seeing my every move (Yeah, I know that probably sounds weird out loud, but it's true. Don't notice me, people!) And even people who know me and know how often I post on FB are probably reading this thinking, "What? You post all the time. You post everything that happens in your life." Wrong. I'm a really busy and active person, so much so that it makes my head spin and causes me to live out my hectic life on detailed post-it note lists, and I really only post like 1% of my thoughts and feelings and life happenings, believe it or not.
I feel like I am very clear in when I am asking for advice and when I am definitely not, so I am often left with swirling questions. Do people think I'm stupid? Do I appear to lack common sense or the ability to think for myself? Do I come off as dependent--the direct opposite of the independent person I actually am? Do people want to feel like they have a say in my choices and be stakeholders in my life? Is my life really all that outwardly interesting (because it certainly doesn't seem like it to me)? Do people even care about what they're pushing advice on, or do they just like to hear themselves talk? Even if I take someone's advice or if I don't, why does it matter/pertain to them?
Like I said, I really don't get it. I know people care--I get that part--and I certainly don't mean to sound snobby or rude or pretentious. I just truly don't understand why I'm the target of so much more advice than your average Joe. And, especially since becoming a single mom, I've had to fight off even more advice than usual. It's not that I don't love the people who are "helping" me--I do, and I have nothing personal against anyone who offers me advice, but rather a general feeling of disdain about it all.
The point is, though, that I want to figure things out for myself. I enjoy a challenge and a learning opportunity and the ability to learn from potential mistakes. I don't have a fear of falling or failing in most things (postgraduate education is an exception because I have been there, and I have failed) because I'm very in tune with my resilience. Even if someone tells me of their failure with an exact decision that I'm making in an exact scenario I'm in, it's absolutely meaningless to me until I experience it for myself. Example: people's movie recommendations. If someone tells me a movie is terrible, and I shouldn't see it, I 100% disregard their sentiments--on purpose, as well as an innate response within myself. I totally ignore it. If I want to see a movie, I go see it, regardless of what someone else thought of it. Even if that opinion comes from my most trusted circle. Why? I have to experience it for myself.
Maybe I'm just so independent that I'm over-sensitive to the whole topic of unsolicited advice and feel boxed in and defensive and like I need to stick up for myself, but I find it very hard to bite my tongue at times. Especially those times when my absolutely harmless Facebook posts turn into a gigantic controversy of people flat out telling me what to do, as if I'm asking for their permission. I find myself thinking, "HELLO?!?! You do not own me or my decisions! Being 26 has it's benefits--it means I'm an adult who can make sound decisions for my own life. I am not a child, nor do I act like one. In fact, I have one...for whom I have been making important, foundational decisions for 2.5 years now! Treat me as such. Hush. Leave me alone. Get off my back. Butt out. Silence!"
Yeah. Responding to unwanted advice is one of my biggest challenges as a Christian--right up there with patience, a virtue with which I was not blessed. I truly struggle with it. Huge personality flaw of which I am quite aware. I have always walked the line of...
"I shouldn't say something. I really should just swallow it and not respond. It will eat me alive, but I must refrain from a rebuttal."and...
"I'm not being forthright with people or honest with myself if I don't say something. People will never learn the type of communication I value most if I don't speak up for myself. I will continue to be misunderstood and walked on. I must speak up."Maybe it's wrong of me (I feel like it probably is because of the small twinge of guilt I feel), but this is where I stand right here, right now: if you don't know by now that I don't appreciate unsolicited advice, it is my job to tell you--not to be mean, but so you can learn that about me and respect me as a person for who I truly am. By combating it, I am being true to myself and my needs and removing the flurry of wanting-to-scream thoughts that overcrowd my mind when I'm being inundated with unwanted opinions. I try, and will continue to try, to be kind in expressing that I don't want any advice on whatever topic is the Kelsey controversy of the day; however, it's important to me to feel like I am being heard loud and clear to prevent future occurrences.
I guess what it boils down to is honesty. Honesty is the one human capability that I value first and foremost above all else in myself and in other people. By speaking out against the arrows of advice people send soaring my way Katniss-Everdeen-style on a daily basis, I am projecting honesty. Perhaps I just need to continue my journey on the path of Balance to find that happy place where I'm not also projecting angry-bear-who-just-awoke-from-hibernation / #LEAVEMEALONE!
#sorrynotsorry? #imnotperfect #workinprogress
Peace.
-Kels
Routines
For as long as I can remember, I've hated routines. Loathed them. Lots of people feel liberated and stress-free with a daily routine. I just feel trapped. Absolutely caged and boxed in, like there is nothing exciting about my life. There is nothing more boring and redundant and hopeless-feeling to me than doing the same thing at the same time every single day. In fact, that's a large part of why I chose a music major over a biology major in college (it was close!): the prospect of a free-flowing day throughout my career, being able to travel where the breeze takes me, and the ability to learn/practice/perform new and exciting rep all the time.
It's pretty surprising to me that I've wound up in an 8:00-5:00 job with a strict home routine with my Kimmy-girl. It's even more surprising that I don't hate it--actually, I'm learning to like it, especially since I know it has so many benefits for my baby! I guess there was a slight oversight on my part because I didn't realize how valuable financial and personal stability and health/retirement benefits were with this type of career path.
At the same time, I am actively trying to change up my routine as much as possible, so I don't get bored and revert back to that "trapped" feeling. I actually dread the day that Kimmy starts school because it will start a long set of consecutive years of routine. I don't even want to think about it!
One of the things I dread most about routine is the feeling of waking up to the same ol' thing every morning and the realization that I have so much to do before I can actually start my day. I'm supposed to get up at 6:30 each morning. Does that happen? Nope! I hit the snooze button, re-set my alarm for random times like 6:51 and 7:03 and 6:37 and 7:06 and my personal fave: 7:17am...only 30 minutes before I'm supposed to leave for work. I also change the names of my iPhone alarms periodically to change things up. Current alarms are "Alarmed," "Alarming," "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and "Don't Hit Snooze!" The unintentional multiple-snooze approach leads to me being sluggish, having a bad attitude about waking up, feeling stressed over all that needs to be done before I can leave for work, and being super grumpy until I have my coffee.
I've recently caught on to a gem of a concept, which is much more bearable for me. I spend my weekends working on pre-completing my routine, so I don't have to do much of anything but roll out of bed and get dressed come Monday morning. I can plug away at my checklist at my own pace, stop and start, take a nap, work late into Saturday night if I want to (great option for this night owl, who doesn't get her big burst of energy until around 7:00pm each day). It's brilliant! I'm wondering why it took me so long to work it to its fullest extent.
I'm going to share a little bit of what I did late last week/this weekend in hopes that it will help anyone else with the same routine woes.
Thursday Evening
Since Kimmy was at her dad's, I worked tirelessly on our budget. I paid off what debts/bills I could pay online. I wrote down what needed to be handled by phone the following day. I worked on my budget sheet, daily expense tracker, and balance sheet. I basically got all of our ducks in a row and allocated our entire federal tax refund to all the things it needed to be allocated to and wrote everything down, so I didn't have to stress about how much money I had and what expenses were going to be coming in over the next few days. I always feel so stressed about money until I sit down and plot everything out. I feel so much better when I get down in the details and come away with an overview of what's going on with my finances. Before bed each night, I memorize the amount that's in my checking account going into the next day.
This budgeting evening was my best yet! We're so close to being into the black it's not even funny. Car is paid off. All but one medical bill is paid off. All credit cards are paid off. Everything but student loans, really, and if I continue to work for a non-profit/government institution for 9 more years, my loans will be forgiven. I'm on a Pay As You Earn plan for my loans with a total of $0 set for my monthly payment, so I'm just releasing that debt from my worry bank entirely!
I got a pep in my step walking into work Friday morning with my giant document shred pile and my newly very slim financial planning folder! I truly thank God for that tax-refund money. I know that the several years of financial struggles were so I would know how to use that money intelligently when it arrived. All things for good.
Friday Evening
I picked up my baby, and we splurged on a Pizza Hut pizza (our fave) for dinner: large pan with pepperoni and black olives cooked just a few minutes extra. Delicious and worth every bit of $16 including tip. I kept my pre-routining simple that night and just made a detailed list of everything I planned to handle over the weekend. I won't bore you with that list, but I will say that writing things down is key for me, both with getting my life organized and relieving my stress (hence this blog, which is the best Kelsey therapy ever).
Saturday
We got an early start to our Saturday! Well, Kimmy did. She woke up at 7:00am on the dot and wanted to watch "Peppa Pig." I set her up with my phone, and she cuddled with me in bed for another hour, while I slept. Love when that happens! It's a rare treat.
We went downstairs and ate breakfast. Then I busted out my computer and got started. First, I made a list of all the things we needed to buy. Next, I scoured all kinds of weekly store ads to find the best deals around town. Then I re-wrote my list by store and wrote down everything I planned to get from each store, along with the prices of each item and the estimated total to be spent at each store. I also gathered my coupons for each store and put each store's coupons in a separate Ziploc bag. This whole process took me a solid 2 hours, but it saved me a lot of time and hassle throughout the rest of the day (and a lot of stress about how much money I'd have left in my checking account after each shopping extravaganza).
After my list-making, I packed a lunch of leftover pizza and blueberries and water. I gathered all my shopping supplies (Thirty-One's Making Memories Rolling Thermal, Deluxe Utility Tote, Essential Storage Totes, and Fresh Market Thermal) for the day and packed my list and coupons. (If you don't have any big totes for shopping, I can hook you up! I love the income from selling my Thirty-One products, sure, but I love the functionality even more and truly stand behind the usefulness! They are seriously just so functional and total lifesavers, especially with a toddler in tow.) We got dressed and headed out of the house around 11:00.
Where all did we go? Everywhere, it seems like! The post office, Lowe's, Walmart, Sam's Club, Kroger, CVS, Target, and Speedway. That's 8 times getting Kimmy into and out of her car seat, which is tiring in and of itself, as any parent knows all too well. What a long and tiring 5 hours, but so worth it! I saved a crap ton of money shopping like this, and we only went to a few more places than we usually would. Not to mention all the free food samples at Sam's on a Saturday afternoon. Oh, and the pretty weather outside. It was a really enjoyable day, and Kimmy was very well behaved because she was having so much fun.
Normally, we shop for food every 2 weeks the Friday or Saturday of payday week, but I think I've managed to get us set with groceries and household items for at least the next 3 weeks this time. If I can keep shopping like this, I *think* I can get away with only going on one big shopping trip once a month with maybe one teeny tiny trip for fresh produce and a few gallons of milk in between. Buying in bulk is an amazing luxury to have in this country!
Once we got home, I put all our groceries away. I left my meats in the fridge, so I could separate out the portions and freeze them to save lots of thawing time once we're ready to use them. We had an easy dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches, put together our new shoe shelves and organized shoes, and called it a day. The rest of the evening was spent playing and talking and laughing, and the Kimmy and I went to bed early around 8:00!
Sunday
Perhaps it's just the sudden change in weather, but Kimmy and I both woke up not feeling well with coughing and sore throats. I decided we better not go to church, in case we were contagious, so we spent the day at home for the most part. Pretty sure it's just allergies, but you can never be too safe when volunteering in a room full of 2-year-olds who can catch things.
Sundays are my meal-prep and cleaning days. I like to space it all out throughout the day, so I don't get too bored with any one activity, and so I make sure to spend plenty of weekend time with my sweet girl. She so cherishes our weekends together (I do, too), and it's easy for me to get caught up in my to-do list and miss lots of moments with her if I'm not careful.
So, I tried to juggle a lot of activities, but I have some practice to do, especially when Kimmy wants to help in the kitchen while I just really want to get things done quickly. It's going to take some practice. Here is what all we/I did:
That's a routine I can live with! It's so short that it feels like no work at all.
Over and out.
-Kels
It's pretty surprising to me that I've wound up in an 8:00-5:00 job with a strict home routine with my Kimmy-girl. It's even more surprising that I don't hate it--actually, I'm learning to like it, especially since I know it has so many benefits for my baby! I guess there was a slight oversight on my part because I didn't realize how valuable financial and personal stability and health/retirement benefits were with this type of career path.
At the same time, I am actively trying to change up my routine as much as possible, so I don't get bored and revert back to that "trapped" feeling. I actually dread the day that Kimmy starts school because it will start a long set of consecutive years of routine. I don't even want to think about it!
One of the things I dread most about routine is the feeling of waking up to the same ol' thing every morning and the realization that I have so much to do before I can actually start my day. I'm supposed to get up at 6:30 each morning. Does that happen? Nope! I hit the snooze button, re-set my alarm for random times like 6:51 and 7:03 and 6:37 and 7:06 and my personal fave: 7:17am...only 30 minutes before I'm supposed to leave for work. I also change the names of my iPhone alarms periodically to change things up. Current alarms are "Alarmed," "Alarming," "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and "Don't Hit Snooze!" The unintentional multiple-snooze approach leads to me being sluggish, having a bad attitude about waking up, feeling stressed over all that needs to be done before I can leave for work, and being super grumpy until I have my coffee.
I've recently caught on to a gem of a concept, which is much more bearable for me. I spend my weekends working on pre-completing my routine, so I don't have to do much of anything but roll out of bed and get dressed come Monday morning. I can plug away at my checklist at my own pace, stop and start, take a nap, work late into Saturday night if I want to (great option for this night owl, who doesn't get her big burst of energy until around 7:00pm each day). It's brilliant! I'm wondering why it took me so long to work it to its fullest extent.
I'm going to share a little bit of what I did late last week/this weekend in hopes that it will help anyone else with the same routine woes.
Thursday Evening
Since Kimmy was at her dad's, I worked tirelessly on our budget. I paid off what debts/bills I could pay online. I wrote down what needed to be handled by phone the following day. I worked on my budget sheet, daily expense tracker, and balance sheet. I basically got all of our ducks in a row and allocated our entire federal tax refund to all the things it needed to be allocated to and wrote everything down, so I didn't have to stress about how much money I had and what expenses were going to be coming in over the next few days. I always feel so stressed about money until I sit down and plot everything out. I feel so much better when I get down in the details and come away with an overview of what's going on with my finances. Before bed each night, I memorize the amount that's in my checking account going into the next day.
This budgeting evening was my best yet! We're so close to being into the black it's not even funny. Car is paid off. All but one medical bill is paid off. All credit cards are paid off. Everything but student loans, really, and if I continue to work for a non-profit/government institution for 9 more years, my loans will be forgiven. I'm on a Pay As You Earn plan for my loans with a total of $0 set for my monthly payment, so I'm just releasing that debt from my worry bank entirely!
I got a pep in my step walking into work Friday morning with my giant document shred pile and my newly very slim financial planning folder! I truly thank God for that tax-refund money. I know that the several years of financial struggles were so I would know how to use that money intelligently when it arrived. All things for good.
Friday Evening
I picked up my baby, and we splurged on a Pizza Hut pizza (our fave) for dinner: large pan with pepperoni and black olives cooked just a few minutes extra. Delicious and worth every bit of $16 including tip. I kept my pre-routining simple that night and just made a detailed list of everything I planned to handle over the weekend. I won't bore you with that list, but I will say that writing things down is key for me, both with getting my life organized and relieving my stress (hence this blog, which is the best Kelsey therapy ever).
Saturday
We got an early start to our Saturday! Well, Kimmy did. She woke up at 7:00am on the dot and wanted to watch "Peppa Pig." I set her up with my phone, and she cuddled with me in bed for another hour, while I slept. Love when that happens! It's a rare treat.
We went downstairs and ate breakfast. Then I busted out my computer and got started. First, I made a list of all the things we needed to buy. Next, I scoured all kinds of weekly store ads to find the best deals around town. Then I re-wrote my list by store and wrote down everything I planned to get from each store, along with the prices of each item and the estimated total to be spent at each store. I also gathered my coupons for each store and put each store's coupons in a separate Ziploc bag. This whole process took me a solid 2 hours, but it saved me a lot of time and hassle throughout the rest of the day (and a lot of stress about how much money I'd have left in my checking account after each shopping extravaganza).
After my list-making, I packed a lunch of leftover pizza and blueberries and water. I gathered all my shopping supplies (Thirty-One's Making Memories Rolling Thermal, Deluxe Utility Tote, Essential Storage Totes, and Fresh Market Thermal) for the day and packed my list and coupons. (If you don't have any big totes for shopping, I can hook you up! I love the income from selling my Thirty-One products, sure, but I love the functionality even more and truly stand behind the usefulness! They are seriously just so functional and total lifesavers, especially with a toddler in tow.) We got dressed and headed out of the house around 11:00.
Where all did we go? Everywhere, it seems like! The post office, Lowe's, Walmart, Sam's Club, Kroger, CVS, Target, and Speedway. That's 8 times getting Kimmy into and out of her car seat, which is tiring in and of itself, as any parent knows all too well. What a long and tiring 5 hours, but so worth it! I saved a crap ton of money shopping like this, and we only went to a few more places than we usually would. Not to mention all the free food samples at Sam's on a Saturday afternoon. Oh, and the pretty weather outside. It was a really enjoyable day, and Kimmy was very well behaved because she was having so much fun.
Normally, we shop for food every 2 weeks the Friday or Saturday of payday week, but I think I've managed to get us set with groceries and household items for at least the next 3 weeks this time. If I can keep shopping like this, I *think* I can get away with only going on one big shopping trip once a month with maybe one teeny tiny trip for fresh produce and a few gallons of milk in between. Buying in bulk is an amazing luxury to have in this country!
Once we got home, I put all our groceries away. I left my meats in the fridge, so I could separate out the portions and freeze them to save lots of thawing time once we're ready to use them. We had an easy dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches, put together our new shoe shelves and organized shoes, and called it a day. The rest of the evening was spent playing and talking and laughing, and the Kimmy and I went to bed early around 8:00!
Sunday
Perhaps it's just the sudden change in weather, but Kimmy and I both woke up not feeling well with coughing and sore throats. I decided we better not go to church, in case we were contagious, so we spent the day at home for the most part. Pretty sure it's just allergies, but you can never be too safe when volunteering in a room full of 2-year-olds who can catch things.
Sundays are my meal-prep and cleaning days. I like to space it all out throughout the day, so I don't get too bored with any one activity, and so I make sure to spend plenty of weekend time with my sweet girl. She so cherishes our weekends together (I do, too), and it's easy for me to get caught up in my to-do list and miss lots of moments with her if I'm not careful.
So, I tried to juggle a lot of activities, but I have some practice to do, especially when Kimmy wants to help in the kitchen while I just really want to get things done quickly. It's going to take some practice. Here is what all we/I did:
- took out the trash (I'm still gradually unpacking, so there are a ton of boxes and packing supplies accumulating through the week. Kimmy's Radio Flyer wagon has been a God-send for carting our trash to the dumpster!)
- vacuumed the entire downstairs
- did 3 load of dishes throughout the course of the day
- changed our sheets and pillowcases
- ran to CVS for a few things, including a Sunday paper with coupons
- clipped coupons
- checked/sorted/trashed mail that I had accumulated through the week
- balanced my checking account
- cleaned up toys (several times...lol)
- washed and dried 2 load of clothes (Kimmy and I have established a brilliant system throughout the week. During our bathtime routine, we take off our dirty clothes and put them directly in the washer, which is in the laundry closet right outside our upstairs bathroom. Usually by Friday/Saturday night, we have enough for a full load of laundry! I wash everything in cold water, so color sorting doesn't matter so much. I can start the washer before our evening bath/bedtime routine every weekend and pop everything in the dryer right before bedtime. Then on Sundays, I can wash sheets, towels, pillowcases, washcloths, and rags before church and stick 'em in the dryer after church. Painless! The sorting and folding and putting away part? Well, let's not go there.)
- set my coffee pot on auto timer mode (If you don't have a plain ol' coffee pot with auto timer setting, you're ruining your morning routine. Just sayin'. Keurig takes time. Auto timer takes a few non-rushed minutes of your evening and does all the work for you, so you just pour and go in the AM.)
- did food prep (Bagged my chicken thighs and chicken leg quarters in smaller portions, labeled them, and stuck them in the freezer. Started dinner in the oven: 1 lb. ground beef, 2 sliced potatoes, 5 ribs sliced celery, a sliced onion, and a can of diced tomatoes. Made a Mommy-sized hamburger and a Kimmy-sized hamburger with a little more ground beef and stuck those in the freezer. Turned the rest of the beef into pre-formed meatballs with some parmesan, egg, bread crumbs, basil, parsley, salt, and pepper and stuck those in the freezer. Made my refrigerator oatmeals for the week. Made some banana muffins with our old bananas and stuck most of those in the freezer for easy toddler breakfasts. Made my lunch salads and my veggie and hummus snacks and my sliced apples and oranges. About an hour of prep for all my work foods, and I've saved myself tons of morning hustle and bustle...and calories and money!)
- watched Frozen with my Kimmy Jarae
- took some silly photos
- cleaned my kitchen counters
- somehow got our baths and bedtime routines handled on time
That's a routine I can live with! It's so short that it feels like no work at all.
Over and out.
-Kels
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
It is well with my soul
Life is good. Life is really, really good.
In our hard times, it's difficult to see the light through the darkness. Money troubles. Relationship troubles. Dichotomy between where you thought you would be and where you actually are. Chaos where you always thought there would be order.
I can't tell you how many times over the last few years I've thought or said, "If only I had $___." If only I could pay this off. If only I felt unburdened by X, Y, and Z. If only I didn't have to worry about such and such.
I have prayed over my finances for about 2 years now. I've cried and agonized and gritted my teeth and worried myself sick...physically sick, to the point I could have been a poster girl for Zantac 150. I've budgeted and skimped and saved and done without, but I've prayed and prayed through all my strife. I had gotten to the point where I didn't even bother uttering words for my financial prayers; I just spoke with my heart because God knows my heart.
"If only I had $____."
Well, guess what? I just got $____ through my tax refund. Prayer answered. And what did it take? Several years of terrible financial troubles, bringing an unplanned [but never unwanted] child into the world, unemployment, not enough employment to do anything but strike evven, barely scraping by, unthinkable betrayal and the end of a long friendship/relationship. Terrible things...that led to head of household tax status...single parent status...a literal answer to my financial prayers, and an open door and unburdened soul for much, much bigger and better things to come. My tax refund was basically the exact amount I have prayed for for years: that token accumulation of funds that would relieve my financial stress. I'm not kidding.
The path is crystal clear in retrospect: just what God ordered for my life. His perfect timing; his perfect method. Would any person ever put themselves through all that and know that this would be the perfect outcome? Umm, no. That's unthinkable! In the midst of enduring it all, this outcome was not even on my plane of vision, and I think the enemy thrives on that negative energy--the idea we 21st Centurians walk around with that our lives are defined by our wealth (or lack thereof), possessions (ditto), relationships, how many movies and TV shows we can quote, the number of friends and followers on our social media, and just all this stuff that doesn't even matter at all!
I'm happy to say that my life--my success--is defined by Christ alone.
Is it coincidental that all of my challenges over the last 3 years led me to exactly where I am today? Is it serendipity that my life suddenly just really turned around and became this really great thing that I am so sincerely excited about living every single day?
Absolutely not. Want to know when a change stirred within me? When I "let go and let God." It sounds corny. (It probably sounds ridiculous to the non-believer.) It is positively true of my life, though. A friend happened to lead me to a church on Easter Sunday last year, and I was finally so spirtually nourished that I had no choice but to let my troubles fall to the wayside and give over all that pain and frustration and chaos to God.
I have never lived so lean in all my life: this house's budget is tight. But I have never felt more full in all my life. I don't dread waking up in the morning. I have friends. I have purpose and a place. I have amazing coworkers and the best benefits package from my employer imaginable. My sweet daughter brightens my every moment. I have passion for my hobbies again. I have goals for my future. I have confidence. I am loved. I have love in my heart. I have love to give. I have clothes on my back and hot water in my pipes and coffee in my cupboard and music on my computer and in my head and coming out of my mouth. I'm funny. I'm happy. I'm unashamed of being me. Life is really, really good, and the best part is that I'm not pretending. Being here and feeling this way and having absolute assurance in my faith and my eternal future is worth every single bump in the road in my rearview mirror.
I'm pretty sure I could give examples of all the "God things" in my life over the last half a year, ever since I really got serious about attending church and growing my roots, and make jaws hit the floor. I'm not talking about supernatural occurrences here, just other things--like the money thing--that keep happening. I'm talking about his plans falling into a clear path beneath my feet that, through trust, I am walking on more and more steadily, and it's really making all the difference in my life. I don't believe in coincidence; I believe in free will. When things appear to be coincidence, I belive that that is when human will and God's will align. My life is aligned. My soul is aligned.
Anyway, all of this is to point out one key word: trust. Trust is key. We look for trustworthiness in humans all our lives, but people let us down without fail. I don't have a single close person in my life who has never broken my trust in some miniscule way. There is no trust like the trust we can put in God. If you're looking for something your soul craves (honesty, trust, love, attention, acceptance, guidance, validation, worth) in someone, I hate to break it to you, but you're looking in the wrong place. There is only one way to quench the soul.
I'm looking forward to letting go even more and trusting and walking where I am led to go. Why? Why would this Type A control freak want to let go more? Because it's working.
I'm taking my first big step this May, when I'll be spending 10 days in Cambodia and meeting young girls who have endured horrible things through the industry of human trafficking. No human should be forced to deal with what these girls have dealt with. But, I think this is where I need to be. I'm so looking forward to committing scripture to heart and memory over the next 3 months, so I'll have the right words to say. I cannot wait to follow this call and be a messenger. I have dreamed about this journey from the first time I went to church camp around age 11/12 and first heard the concept of missions work. I think--I hope--my life experiences are for such a bigger purpose than I even know right now. I'm so excited to share my testimony with these girls and show them the freedom I have in my soul through Christ, despite anything that's happened in my past...the huge imperfections in my life that are made perfectly okay through the precious grace and forgiveness of Jesus.
I've tucked away this urge for years, deep in my heart and mind, and I think now's the time to act on it! I've done plenty of living for me in my life; I can't wait to see what happens when I start living for others just as much. And all that is to underscore the concept of trust. I'm trusting my curiosity and the tug in my heart and trusting that funding will work out and trusting that this is my path. The rest is up to the one in whom I trust, and guess what? He's never failed me.
Keep me in your prayers, peeps!
Much love.
-Kels
In our hard times, it's difficult to see the light through the darkness. Money troubles. Relationship troubles. Dichotomy between where you thought you would be and where you actually are. Chaos where you always thought there would be order.
I can't tell you how many times over the last few years I've thought or said, "If only I had $___." If only I could pay this off. If only I felt unburdened by X, Y, and Z. If only I didn't have to worry about such and such.
I have prayed over my finances for about 2 years now. I've cried and agonized and gritted my teeth and worried myself sick...physically sick, to the point I could have been a poster girl for Zantac 150. I've budgeted and skimped and saved and done without, but I've prayed and prayed through all my strife. I had gotten to the point where I didn't even bother uttering words for my financial prayers; I just spoke with my heart because God knows my heart.
"If only I had $____."
Well, guess what? I just got $____ through my tax refund. Prayer answered. And what did it take? Several years of terrible financial troubles, bringing an unplanned [but never unwanted] child into the world, unemployment, not enough employment to do anything but strike evven, barely scraping by, unthinkable betrayal and the end of a long friendship/relationship. Terrible things...that led to head of household tax status...single parent status...a literal answer to my financial prayers, and an open door and unburdened soul for much, much bigger and better things to come. My tax refund was basically the exact amount I have prayed for for years: that token accumulation of funds that would relieve my financial stress. I'm not kidding.
The path is crystal clear in retrospect: just what God ordered for my life. His perfect timing; his perfect method. Would any person ever put themselves through all that and know that this would be the perfect outcome? Umm, no. That's unthinkable! In the midst of enduring it all, this outcome was not even on my plane of vision, and I think the enemy thrives on that negative energy--the idea we 21st Centurians walk around with that our lives are defined by our wealth (or lack thereof), possessions (ditto), relationships, how many movies and TV shows we can quote, the number of friends and followers on our social media, and just all this stuff that doesn't even matter at all!
I'm happy to say that my life--my success--is defined by Christ alone.
Is it coincidental that all of my challenges over the last 3 years led me to exactly where I am today? Is it serendipity that my life suddenly just really turned around and became this really great thing that I am so sincerely excited about living every single day?
Absolutely not. Want to know when a change stirred within me? When I "let go and let God." It sounds corny. (It probably sounds ridiculous to the non-believer.) It is positively true of my life, though. A friend happened to lead me to a church on Easter Sunday last year, and I was finally so spirtually nourished that I had no choice but to let my troubles fall to the wayside and give over all that pain and frustration and chaos to God.
I have never lived so lean in all my life: this house's budget is tight. But I have never felt more full in all my life. I don't dread waking up in the morning. I have friends. I have purpose and a place. I have amazing coworkers and the best benefits package from my employer imaginable. My sweet daughter brightens my every moment. I have passion for my hobbies again. I have goals for my future. I have confidence. I am loved. I have love in my heart. I have love to give. I have clothes on my back and hot water in my pipes and coffee in my cupboard and music on my computer and in my head and coming out of my mouth. I'm funny. I'm happy. I'm unashamed of being me. Life is really, really good, and the best part is that I'm not pretending. Being here and feeling this way and having absolute assurance in my faith and my eternal future is worth every single bump in the road in my rearview mirror.
I'm pretty sure I could give examples of all the "God things" in my life over the last half a year, ever since I really got serious about attending church and growing my roots, and make jaws hit the floor. I'm not talking about supernatural occurrences here, just other things--like the money thing--that keep happening. I'm talking about his plans falling into a clear path beneath my feet that, through trust, I am walking on more and more steadily, and it's really making all the difference in my life. I don't believe in coincidence; I believe in free will. When things appear to be coincidence, I belive that that is when human will and God's will align. My life is aligned. My soul is aligned.
Anyway, all of this is to point out one key word: trust. Trust is key. We look for trustworthiness in humans all our lives, but people let us down without fail. I don't have a single close person in my life who has never broken my trust in some miniscule way. There is no trust like the trust we can put in God. If you're looking for something your soul craves (honesty, trust, love, attention, acceptance, guidance, validation, worth) in someone, I hate to break it to you, but you're looking in the wrong place. There is only one way to quench the soul.
I'm looking forward to letting go even more and trusting and walking where I am led to go. Why? Why would this Type A control freak want to let go more? Because it's working.
I'm taking my first big step this May, when I'll be spending 10 days in Cambodia and meeting young girls who have endured horrible things through the industry of human trafficking. No human should be forced to deal with what these girls have dealt with. But, I think this is where I need to be. I'm so looking forward to committing scripture to heart and memory over the next 3 months, so I'll have the right words to say. I cannot wait to follow this call and be a messenger. I have dreamed about this journey from the first time I went to church camp around age 11/12 and first heard the concept of missions work. I think--I hope--my life experiences are for such a bigger purpose than I even know right now. I'm so excited to share my testimony with these girls and show them the freedom I have in my soul through Christ, despite anything that's happened in my past...the huge imperfections in my life that are made perfectly okay through the precious grace and forgiveness of Jesus.
I've tucked away this urge for years, deep in my heart and mind, and I think now's the time to act on it! I've done plenty of living for me in my life; I can't wait to see what happens when I start living for others just as much. And all that is to underscore the concept of trust. I'm trusting my curiosity and the tug in my heart and trusting that funding will work out and trusting that this is my path. The rest is up to the one in whom I trust, and guess what? He's never failed me.
Keep me in your prayers, peeps!
Much love.
-Kels
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
It's the most wonderful time of the year
Wow, where to start? Today was awesome and fun and busy and hectic and tiring and amazing. Perhaps the best Christmas Eve of all time! Today was about as "typical Kelsey" as a day can get. It felt good!
This morning I meant to get up super early and get a lot done. Did that happen? Nope. Slept in until 6:30 at first, when I discovered Kimmy standing at the foot of the bed playing with my blanket. I'm still unclear whether she was awake or sleepwalking. I told her to get back in bed, and then I didn't get up until 8:00! I took a shower and got completely ready and had to go coax her out of sleep because she was so knocked out. Got her dressed, and our day officially started!
First, we hopped in the car and drove through McDonald's for a lazy-mom breakfast. Then we went to my work, so I could do payroll real quick and for Kimmy to meet a few of my coworkers. You never know what a toddler will do, so I certainly didn't expect Kimmy to waltz right in confidently and hold up her foot to show my coworker her Cinderella light-up shoe. LOL! So random. She happily ate her McD's breakfast and acted like she was perfectly at home in the office with Mommy.
Once we finished up there, it was off to Indy for free admission day at the Children's Museum. We had never been because it's not really in our budget, so I thought free day was a good time to go. Parking was also free, which is a major winner in my book.
We got there a little before 11:00am, and holy crap it was packed. Not just buzzing, but PACKED. If I had claustrophobia, I would not have made it out of the parking garage. I vowed not to let myself get too stressed out (it's really hard to take a young child somewhere all by yourself and not be intimidated or nervous), keep a strict eye on the Kim-bird at all times, and have fun.
And have fun, we did! Actually, "fun" is an understatement. There was so much to do! Kimmy loved everything--the dinosaur and train play tables, the musical instruments, water table, sand, drawing with chalk, the holiday displays, the giant polar bear on the 2nd floor (which we had to go back to 4 times because she was so enthralled), dinosaur bones, blown glass with plastic play versions for kids, the big train car you could walk through, the play castle near where Santa was, and, heck, even the hand dryers in the bathrooms and ramps to and from each floor--and I loved watching her have fun. She had a blast! We probably walked 2 miles seeing everything.
After the first hour of exploration, we got in line to meet Santa. We waited less than an hour, I think, but it was exhausting. There were kids running around everywhere, people getting in and out of line for bathroom breaks and phone calls and who knows what else, and Kimmy was starting to feel tired. I basically split the wait time between watching her like a hawk and grabbing her anytime she tried to run off and holding her on my hip, so she could lay her sleepy head on my shoulder and rest. Hard manual labor with a 30-lb. toddler.
We finally made it to the front of the line, and the much-anticipated first-ever Santa meeting took place. Kimmy LOVED Santa. She was mesmerized. She whispered, "Wowwwwwww." as she walked up to him. (She also stuck her foot up and showed him her Cinderella light-up shoes. They are apparently her most beloved possession right now.) She sat still as a statue as I snapped a picture of her with Santa Claus. She was starstruck and completely in awe. So hilarious to watch her reaction! Also, this Santa was the best ever. He was 100% in character and didn't show the slightest annoyance at any of the children or 4 hours of non-stop photo opps. Very impressive.
We hung out at the museum until 1:00, when Kimmy was just too tired to go on. We never made it to the 4th floor to ride the carousel, but luckily the Jay-jee wasn't even aware there was one up there! Before we left, though, we went to the gift shop. I have to say that I am a pro at finding the coolest cheap things to get at museum/aquarium/zoo gift shops, and this was no exception. I'm pretty proud of that skill. But what made my finds even better was the nice mother in the line next to me who used her museum member pass on my purchase to save me 15%. It was such a nice gesture! In my opinion, the best moms are the ones who help each other out and have each other's backs. I hope mystery mom and her kiddos have the best Christmas ever because her small kindness made my day a whole lot brighter, especially after several stressful hours of wading through throngs of people bouncing around like pinballs because of their unpredictable toddlers' footpaths.
As we were walking the skywalk over to the parking garage, I noticed that Kimmy was slowing down, down, down until she was barely even picking up her feet to walk. Hilarious! I carried her the 500 ft. back to the car, and she was asleep in about 5 minutes.
Okay, so all week I had been planning to go to the 4:30pm Christmas Eve service at our church, but as I was driving home today, the GPS was giving me a 2:37pm ETA to our apartment. I decided that I could most likely get us home, changed into church clothes, and to the church just about right on time for the 3:00pm service. Challenge accepted, self.
In typical Kelsey fashion, I caught every red light in town on the way home. We arrived at 2:45, but I somehow got us to church at 3:00pm on the dot. BOOM!
If you know me, you know my Christmas Eve traditions include church hopping to as many candlelight services as possible and singing as much Christmas music as possible. Kim and I used to go to as many as 5 services in one night! So, I've seen it all, or so I thought. This service was way different, though.
Sherwood Oaks put on an AWESOME service! Not your same-old-same music. No candles, but the Wham City Lights phone app. I loved it!!!!! Probably my favorite service ever. The best part was the last song with the app with all the color-changing phone screens. The music was like Christmas carols meets Jersey house music. So much fun! The 8-ish year old boy in front of me was jumping up and down and fist pumping the whole time. It was hilarious! I left with a big smile my face and in my heart. I love a lot of things about Bloomington, Indiana, but the number 1 on my list is my church home.
After church, we ran to Kroger. I know, I know...shopping on Christmas Eve. But I really couldn't help it. My Thirty-One and PartyLite commissions hit my bank account today, and Kimmy was 100% out of allergy medicine. I grabbed that, and Kimmy and I picked out our cake mix and icing for Jesus's birthday cake that we're making tomorrow. I really wanted to make it symbolic and do red velvet cake with pure white icing to be able to chat about the blood and the blanketing of our sins with forgiveness, yadda, yadda, yadda. I guess I temporarily forgot that I have a very girly 2-year-old who is very into pretty, sparkly things as my best mate. She picked out white cake mix and bright purple icing with big multi-colored sprinkles. Well, first she picked out bright pink icing with pink sugar sprinkles, which I smoothly nixed (by showing her a few better options like purple and blue) because I'm not big on pink. Purple it is.
Here comes the interesting part: I was sitting in the backseat buckling Kimmy into her carseat after our shopping trip, when an impatient person started pulling into the parking spot next to us. Door wide open and me being the [too] nice person I am, I pulled the door closer to me. Well, the wind blew it shut completely. Annnnnd, let's just say the child safety lock feature works perfectly in my car. Yep. Locked in the backseat with my child, despite the unlocked door.
Well, being that Kimmy's carseat is in the middle seat and is rear-facing, that left about a 1 ft. space from the top of her seat to the ceiling...a space that I was forced to dive through face first to transport myself to the front of my unlocked-from-the-outside car.
Yes, this really happened. I could not make it up. This is my life.
I'm sure my child now thinks I am the weirdest human being on the planet based on her facial expression as this was happening. My antics may push her into teenage embarrassment mode well before her time. I could definitely see this happening. Go ahead and laugh!
When we got home (at 5:00pm, which is an awesome time to be in for the night on Christmas Eve, by the way), we had our fancy cheese and crackers platter (Pierce traditional Christmas Eve dinner) and a whole lot of blueberries, followed by couch cuddles and Christmas movies. As I got my lovey ready for bed, I gifted her with a Christmas sticker book, Maisy's Christmas. She absolutely loved it! I see a fun new tradition in our Christmas Eve bedtime wind-down! She thought the stickers she could insert into the story were ultra-cool. Toddler moms: I highly recommend this book!
As I was tucking my sweet child in bed, I asked her what her favorite part of our day was. She said, "I saw Santa!" So, there's that.
After she went to bed, I finally got her gifts wrapped and put under the tree. As I sat back down on the couch to watch a Hallmark movie, I had a stunning realization:
My feet are Disneyworld sore. My back is 9th-month pregnancy sore. My biceps are Arnold Schwarzenegger sore. However, my heart is overflowing. Single mom busy-day, non-workout workout for the win. I wouldn't trade this day for all the money in the world.
Merry Christmas, friends! I hope your day was as amazing as ours.
More later.
-Kels
This morning I meant to get up super early and get a lot done. Did that happen? Nope. Slept in until 6:30 at first, when I discovered Kimmy standing at the foot of the bed playing with my blanket. I'm still unclear whether she was awake or sleepwalking. I told her to get back in bed, and then I didn't get up until 8:00! I took a shower and got completely ready and had to go coax her out of sleep because she was so knocked out. Got her dressed, and our day officially started!
First, we hopped in the car and drove through McDonald's for a lazy-mom breakfast. Then we went to my work, so I could do payroll real quick and for Kimmy to meet a few of my coworkers. You never know what a toddler will do, so I certainly didn't expect Kimmy to waltz right in confidently and hold up her foot to show my coworker her Cinderella light-up shoe. LOL! So random. She happily ate her McD's breakfast and acted like she was perfectly at home in the office with Mommy.
Once we finished up there, it was off to Indy for free admission day at the Children's Museum. We had never been because it's not really in our budget, so I thought free day was a good time to go. Parking was also free, which is a major winner in my book.
We got there a little before 11:00am, and holy crap it was packed. Not just buzzing, but PACKED. If I had claustrophobia, I would not have made it out of the parking garage. I vowed not to let myself get too stressed out (it's really hard to take a young child somewhere all by yourself and not be intimidated or nervous), keep a strict eye on the Kim-bird at all times, and have fun.
And have fun, we did! Actually, "fun" is an understatement. There was so much to do! Kimmy loved everything--the dinosaur and train play tables, the musical instruments, water table, sand, drawing with chalk, the holiday displays, the giant polar bear on the 2nd floor (which we had to go back to 4 times because she was so enthralled), dinosaur bones, blown glass with plastic play versions for kids, the big train car you could walk through, the play castle near where Santa was, and, heck, even the hand dryers in the bathrooms and ramps to and from each floor--and I loved watching her have fun. She had a blast! We probably walked 2 miles seeing everything.
After the first hour of exploration, we got in line to meet Santa. We waited less than an hour, I think, but it was exhausting. There were kids running around everywhere, people getting in and out of line for bathroom breaks and phone calls and who knows what else, and Kimmy was starting to feel tired. I basically split the wait time between watching her like a hawk and grabbing her anytime she tried to run off and holding her on my hip, so she could lay her sleepy head on my shoulder and rest. Hard manual labor with a 30-lb. toddler.
We finally made it to the front of the line, and the much-anticipated first-ever Santa meeting took place. Kimmy LOVED Santa. She was mesmerized. She whispered, "Wowwwwwww." as she walked up to him. (She also stuck her foot up and showed him her Cinderella light-up shoes. They are apparently her most beloved possession right now.) She sat still as a statue as I snapped a picture of her with Santa Claus. She was starstruck and completely in awe. So hilarious to watch her reaction! Also, this Santa was the best ever. He was 100% in character and didn't show the slightest annoyance at any of the children or 4 hours of non-stop photo opps. Very impressive.
We hung out at the museum until 1:00, when Kimmy was just too tired to go on. We never made it to the 4th floor to ride the carousel, but luckily the Jay-jee wasn't even aware there was one up there! Before we left, though, we went to the gift shop. I have to say that I am a pro at finding the coolest cheap things to get at museum/aquarium/zoo gift shops, and this was no exception. I'm pretty proud of that skill. But what made my finds even better was the nice mother in the line next to me who used her museum member pass on my purchase to save me 15%. It was such a nice gesture! In my opinion, the best moms are the ones who help each other out and have each other's backs. I hope mystery mom and her kiddos have the best Christmas ever because her small kindness made my day a whole lot brighter, especially after several stressful hours of wading through throngs of people bouncing around like pinballs because of their unpredictable toddlers' footpaths.
As we were walking the skywalk over to the parking garage, I noticed that Kimmy was slowing down, down, down until she was barely even picking up her feet to walk. Hilarious! I carried her the 500 ft. back to the car, and she was asleep in about 5 minutes.
Okay, so all week I had been planning to go to the 4:30pm Christmas Eve service at our church, but as I was driving home today, the GPS was giving me a 2:37pm ETA to our apartment. I decided that I could most likely get us home, changed into church clothes, and to the church just about right on time for the 3:00pm service. Challenge accepted, self.
In typical Kelsey fashion, I caught every red light in town on the way home. We arrived at 2:45, but I somehow got us to church at 3:00pm on the dot. BOOM!
If you know me, you know my Christmas Eve traditions include church hopping to as many candlelight services as possible and singing as much Christmas music as possible. Kim and I used to go to as many as 5 services in one night! So, I've seen it all, or so I thought. This service was way different, though.
Sherwood Oaks put on an AWESOME service! Not your same-old-same music. No candles, but the Wham City Lights phone app. I loved it!!!!! Probably my favorite service ever. The best part was the last song with the app with all the color-changing phone screens. The music was like Christmas carols meets Jersey house music. So much fun! The 8-ish year old boy in front of me was jumping up and down and fist pumping the whole time. It was hilarious! I left with a big smile my face and in my heart. I love a lot of things about Bloomington, Indiana, but the number 1 on my list is my church home.
After church, we ran to Kroger. I know, I know...shopping on Christmas Eve. But I really couldn't help it. My Thirty-One and PartyLite commissions hit my bank account today, and Kimmy was 100% out of allergy medicine. I grabbed that, and Kimmy and I picked out our cake mix and icing for Jesus's birthday cake that we're making tomorrow. I really wanted to make it symbolic and do red velvet cake with pure white icing to be able to chat about the blood and the blanketing of our sins with forgiveness, yadda, yadda, yadda. I guess I temporarily forgot that I have a very girly 2-year-old who is very into pretty, sparkly things as my best mate. She picked out white cake mix and bright purple icing with big multi-colored sprinkles. Well, first she picked out bright pink icing with pink sugar sprinkles, which I smoothly nixed (by showing her a few better options like purple and blue) because I'm not big on pink. Purple it is.
Here comes the interesting part: I was sitting in the backseat buckling Kimmy into her carseat after our shopping trip, when an impatient person started pulling into the parking spot next to us. Door wide open and me being the [too] nice person I am, I pulled the door closer to me. Well, the wind blew it shut completely. Annnnnd, let's just say the child safety lock feature works perfectly in my car. Yep. Locked in the backseat with my child, despite the unlocked door.
Well, being that Kimmy's carseat is in the middle seat and is rear-facing, that left about a 1 ft. space from the top of her seat to the ceiling...a space that I was forced to dive through face first to transport myself to the front of my unlocked-from-the-outside car.
Yes, this really happened. I could not make it up. This is my life.
I'm sure my child now thinks I am the weirdest human being on the planet based on her facial expression as this was happening. My antics may push her into teenage embarrassment mode well before her time. I could definitely see this happening. Go ahead and laugh!
When we got home (at 5:00pm, which is an awesome time to be in for the night on Christmas Eve, by the way), we had our fancy cheese and crackers platter (Pierce traditional Christmas Eve dinner) and a whole lot of blueberries, followed by couch cuddles and Christmas movies. As I got my lovey ready for bed, I gifted her with a Christmas sticker book, Maisy's Christmas. She absolutely loved it! I see a fun new tradition in our Christmas Eve bedtime wind-down! She thought the stickers she could insert into the story were ultra-cool. Toddler moms: I highly recommend this book!
As I was tucking my sweet child in bed, I asked her what her favorite part of our day was. She said, "I saw Santa!" So, there's that.
After she went to bed, I finally got her gifts wrapped and put under the tree. As I sat back down on the couch to watch a Hallmark movie, I had a stunning realization:
I. Am. So. Sore.
My feet are Disneyworld sore. My back is 9th-month pregnancy sore. My biceps are Arnold Schwarzenegger sore. However, my heart is overflowing. Single mom busy-day, non-workout workout for the win. I wouldn't trade this day for all the money in the world.
Merry Christmas, friends! I hope your day was as amazing as ours.
More later.
-Kels
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
I'll go first
Going first is something I've always had to push myself to do. Why? For the first 15 years, 3 months, and 11 days of my life, I had the luxury of walking in my big sister's shadow. At the time, it was something I took for granted. I always felt stifled, unrecognized, and as if I would never get my time to shine--typical middle-child syndrome. When Kim died, not only did I lose my sounding board for all the thoughts that entered my head, but I also lost my leader. I was suddenly thrust toward the front of the race, and the idea of having to experience all those life milestones first suddenly became my worst nightmare.
It's now been 10 years, 9 months, and 20 days since that terrifying transition, and I'm still standing.
It has not been easy decade. First kid in my household to graduate high school, move out, attend college, earn a degree, have a baby, make financial mistakes, get a job, learn to make important phone calls, buy a car, go to doctor's appointments alone, pay bills, etc. When you spend most of your life assuming there will always be someone to experience those things first (and be an example for you to learn from), being thrust into the forefront really takes a toll on you. I have felt lost, confused, and overwhelmed more times than I can count.
With this recent bout of new life experiences, my anxiety has been higher than ever. My self-talk has been on overdrive...constant, swirling, cyclical questions flurry around my brain every day. The unknowns are innumerable.
Especially since signing a lease for our townhouse, I have felt mega-burdened by responsibility. Depressingly so. I'm so excited to escape (sans the whole packing and actual moving experience). But, the numbers aren't adding up how I want, and all I can see on the horizon is financial strain.
On the flipside, my brain is giving me lots of useful coping mechanisms:
Not only do I have the loving, amazing, impervious shoulder of Jesus on which to dump my burdens, but I also have my amazing family and friends.
Beyond that, my struggles and the way I handle them are a source of energy and encouragement for so many other women walking in these same worn and tattered shoes that have endured the walk through incredible deceit, betrayal, mistreatment, acrimony, and disrespect.
Several women have come to me since I revealed my current reality and told me of almost mirrored situations. For perspective: I don't take pride in that, and I am certainly not happy for their struggles. I am happy to say, though, that no matter how chaotic I feel my life outwardly appears, I will gladly go first if it means I can help someone else escape to independence.
It may be uncomfortable and hard and scary, but I will go first. I can only hope that my testimony will be strength and hope, not an endless string of miniature disasters. That's where trust will come into the picture and stay. I will trust the Lord with all my heart and mind and soul and strength. I submit. These struggles are only as long as I am here on this earth, and God will hold my hand during that time. Even if life's burdens never let up, I will be rewarded for my steadfastness in eternity. In that I can trust, when all else collapses around me.
Lord, make my life meaningful to those [I may not
even know] who need to see this journey that leads straight to the cross
of salvation. Help me go first, even if I feel like I'm running this
race in very last place.
Lots of love,
It's now been 10 years, 9 months, and 20 days since that terrifying transition, and I'm still standing.
It has not been easy decade. First kid in my household to graduate high school, move out, attend college, earn a degree, have a baby, make financial mistakes, get a job, learn to make important phone calls, buy a car, go to doctor's appointments alone, pay bills, etc. When you spend most of your life assuming there will always be someone to experience those things first (and be an example for you to learn from), being thrust into the forefront really takes a toll on you. I have felt lost, confused, and overwhelmed more times than I can count.
With this recent bout of new life experiences, my anxiety has been higher than ever. My self-talk has been on overdrive...constant, swirling, cyclical questions flurry around my brain every day. The unknowns are innumerable.
"Can I do this?"It's no wonder I never sleep!
"How will I do this?"
"Will I be okay?"
"Will Kimmy be okay?"
"Will I ever feel unburdened financially?"
"Can I really count on someone I don't trust to take care of his child financially?"
"How do I budget without really knowing if that money will come?"
"How will holidays work?"
"Will I always live here?"
"Where will I move to really start my adult life when I feel ready?"
"Can I open up and trust someone again?"
"Who has a big enough heart to accept Kimmy and me?"
"How do I find him?"
"How will I know when I'm ready to find him?"
"Will I ever get to give Kimmy a sibling that she so deserves?"
"Was getting my own place a smart move?"
Especially since signing a lease for our townhouse, I have felt mega-burdened by responsibility. Depressingly so. I'm so excited to escape (sans the whole packing and actual moving experience). But, the numbers aren't adding up how I want, and all I can see on the horizon is financial strain.
On the flipside, my brain is giving me lots of useful coping mechanisms:
"Trust. Trust Jesus. You are bulletproof with his protection. Psalm 28:7."But perhaps the most useful little thought nugget my mind has concocted is this: My struggles are not my own.
"You can do this. You are doing it."
"Kim would have your back with all your decisions. You're not letting her down."
"Kimmy is happy and healthy."
"Life won't always be this hard."
"You deserve happiness, and God will pave your path."
Not only do I have the loving, amazing, impervious shoulder of Jesus on which to dump my burdens, but I also have my amazing family and friends.
Beyond that, my struggles and the way I handle them are a source of energy and encouragement for so many other women walking in these same worn and tattered shoes that have endured the walk through incredible deceit, betrayal, mistreatment, acrimony, and disrespect.
Several women have come to me since I revealed my current reality and told me of almost mirrored situations. For perspective: I don't take pride in that, and I am certainly not happy for their struggles. I am happy to say, though, that no matter how chaotic I feel my life outwardly appears, I will gladly go first if it means I can help someone else escape to independence.
It may be uncomfortable and hard and scary, but I will go first. I can only hope that my testimony will be strength and hope, not an endless string of miniature disasters. That's where trust will come into the picture and stay. I will trust the Lord with all my heart and mind and soul and strength. I submit. These struggles are only as long as I am here on this earth, and God will hold my hand during that time. Even if life's burdens never let up, I will be rewarded for my steadfastness in eternity. In that I can trust, when all else collapses around me.
 |
| The people rejoiced at the willing response of their leaders, for they had given freely and wholeheartedly to the Lord. 1 Chronicles 29:9 |
Lots of love,
-Kels
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Compassion at Christmastime
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.
-Galations 6:2
This time of year--especially this year--I'm reminded of just how much so many of us take for granted. Christmas is a joyous holiday, full of love, friends, family, celebration, sharing of blessings, good food, warm jammies and cozy fires, presents, and even time off from work!
Or at least it's supposed to be. Unless, of course, someone or some circumstance has stolen your holiday joy.
I tend to believe that only a select few are genuinely 100% non-stressed this time of year. With financial (and emotional) burdens weighing heavy--money spent on gifts, elaborate meals, warm clothes, decorations, etc.--a lot of people really don't enjoy this time of year very much at all.
Here is a [generalized] list of people who may be putting on a brave face, but internalizing at least a little hopelessness during the holiday season:
- people who have lost a loved one
- people suffering with a terminal, chronic, or acute illness or a minor, severe, or disabling injury
- caregivers
- the homeless
- the unemployed
- children whose parents can't afford gifts or even food
- parents who can't afford their children's gifts or food
- children who are hungry or cold
- college students who are incredibly stressed about finals, money, and academic progress
- people with eating disorders, mental illness, or some other such thing that affects their confidence
- parents whose children live far away or aren't speaking to them
- nursing home patients
- retirement home residents
- people who can't afford to travel to see their loved ones
- people who have to work, like medical staff and other such public servants
- teachers and people in other professions who will spend most of their holiday downtime preparing for work after the break
- people who are struggling with debt
- people who have had a major life change like divorce, bankruptcy, miscarriage, etc.
- children whose parents don't pay attention to them
- children who have no parents
- people who have no friends, or at least feel like they have none
- people who have been arrested or imprisoned, whether guilty or not
- and many, many more.
Okay, so you may be thinking, "Um, duh. Common knowledge." But that list just touches the surface. Think about people around the world who may be in even worse predicaments. You can also add in all the advertisements and marketing surrounding Christmas of perfectly cooked holiday meals, trees with gifts literally stuffed underneath because there are so many, people flaunting their big shopping deals on social media, and so many more other scenarios that give people's self-talk no other option than to say, "You're not good enough. You're inadequate. This holiday sucks. Life sucks. This is not fun. You aren't happy. You have no right to be happy. Your life is hopeless."
In my circle of people, I can rattle off about 30 names, without even batting an eye, who might have a hard time this Christmas. I tend to think this is the norm for most people. We all know of friends who are going through a personal challenge right here, right now. Take a quick minute to think about your people and just see who you come up with.
So, let's get to the point. Christmas is about the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, right? Right. How can you be like Jesus this Christmas? I know I want him at the center of my holiday. Over the last few weeks, I have been racking my brain trying to come up with some new holiday traditions to share with my daughter, but I think I've been thinking on the wrong types of things: activities we do together in our home vs. things we can do for others...maybe even others who will never know we helped or could never repay our kindness.
That's what I want my future Christmases to be about: Compassion. Kindness. Loving others. Sharing their burdens. Easing their struggles. Being the light. Holding their hands through the storm. I can confidently say that the people who have been all of those things to me in my life have given me some of the best memories and feelings I have ever had.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
Colossians 3:12
Unfortunately, I, like so many others, do not really have any disposable income right now. I'm not able to go all out and buy, buy, buy for others, but if you are able to, maybe just consider the impact that might have in someone else's life. Do you know someone who has children? Buy their kids a gift to show them you have their back. Know a single parent? Give them a gift card to Kroger or Walmart for groceries and necessities--I guarantee they need it and will appreciate it more than you could ever know. Is there a place where homeless people hang out in your community? Stop at a donut shop and get them a jug of hot coffee and a couple dozen donuts.
Use your gift to be a gift. Mine is my ability to put my thoughts into written words, and I plan to share kind words with others this season. Fun fact: We each have a gift. Even if you haven't found it yet. What's yours?
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.
1 Peter 4:10
Feeling uncreative? Let me help:
- invite someone who is lonely, lost, hungry, cold, or weary to your home for dinner
- offer compliments to people you see as you're out doing Christmas shopping
- gather all the change in your house and pop your kids in the car to let them put the coins in the Salvation Army bucket one by one
- buy a big load of groceries for an elderly person who can't get out to do it alone
- cook a meal for a set of busy new parents
- make Christmas cards for the patients on a hospital floor
- invite someone to come to church with you
- call a few friends you haven't seen or talked to in a while, wish them a Merry Christmas, ask them how they are--how they really are--and be a friend
- bake some festive cookies for a friend or coworker
- go sing Christmas carols or read poetry at a nursing or retirement home
- go visit with someone who might not get a single other visitor this Christmas
- babysit someone's child(ren) for a few hours for free, so they can have a break to decompress and destress
- at the very least, just pray for someone
If you think you can't be there for someone, you're wrong. It doesn't take much to make someone's holiday a whole lot brighter. One small kindness negates a ka-trillion bad things in your life.
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
1 Peter 3:8
Think about it.
-Kels
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