I wish I had known years ago that when you become an adult, your friends all become too busy for you. Not consciously, of course. Just as a result of having to go out into the world and become something. Everyone moves away, gets married, goes to school for years, works tirelessly to make something of his/her life, and slowly fades away. No one has time for just you because there are always other things that need attention.
(Side note: I have friends. I have excellent, friends-for-life friends. But they live far, far away from me, and it's not the same as when we were young and relatively carefree. And it's certainly not the same as having in-person friends that you can call up on a whim and go adventuring with.)
Add huge life changes to the mix...having a child, moving away, "big-girl jobs"...and each event is automatically more isolating to the nth degree.
Add transitioning to a single parent to the mix, when many of your friends haven't even been struck with baby fever yet, and suddenly most people feel like they don't know how to talk to you any more. They "like" your pictures and comment on how sweet your daughter is. They pray for you. They wish you the best. But there's an understood gap in the closeness from that point forward. Empathy goes hand in hand with experience for most people--just a fact of life. Once you surpass someone's experience, sympathy steps in, and sympathy is usually not comforting at all, at least for me.
Add in the fact that being a single parent leaves you with no partner or equal to unload your brain information on, and the isolation is real. The silence is deafening sometimes. Deep, dark pit lonliness. Screaming mind and empty house with no people in it (or just a 3-year-old in it who only deserves to see my happy face, not the one where I'm glazed over with worry). Heartwrenching need for a real, live human person to interact with, but so many things to do that I don't even have the time for that. There's side-job money to be made. There's mothering to do, errands to run, a house to clean, homework to be done, clothes to be washed, food to put on the table, sleep to be had. Every waking hour is spent trying to make ends meet and worrying ceaselessly when they don't.
You're in a predicament where you need a shoulder all the time, and no one has one available. Whether that's a result of being so wrapped up in a companion for years and letting friendships become secondary or whether everyone really is too busy with their own stuff or whether it just happens with age, it's very alarming to be in a situation where you need a person, but all you seem to have is multiple people over which you have to thinly spread out your burdens for fear of becoming one yourself.
But dumping small things on multiple people and spreading the burden evenly is tiresome. It's like re-telling the state of your headspace over and over, but only on a small scale so as not to freak anyone out with the gravity of it all. Kind of like the tiresomeness of the process of making new friends to begin with. And the censorship of true authenticity because who wants to constantly reveal and never receive?
I'm a strong person, but no person can be all strong, all the time. It's easy to see how people drown in the weight of the world. There's a breaking point, a faultline, a thin little crack, and eventually a sinkhole where no one can find you. However, I choose to believe that I will never find mine.
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but earth can never hurt me. I have Jesus, I have my daughter, and I have writing. Amazing how you can find beauty in the most suffocating spaces. Lonliness forces me to find beauty every day.
This is not my one shot at life with everything outside of my control; my real life is waiting for me in heaven, and it rests perfectly in God's hands and timing.
This is not my predicament until the end of time; I'll spend eternity with my Lord and Savior and all the family who were taken from me too soon.
These are not my problems, for I have none.
There are no friends absent from me--not really; my true friends hold me in their hearts, even if they have no clue what to say or how to help me right now. And who could begrudge someone for that, anyway? We're all out here trying to survive.
I won't always be without people in my everyday life; one day I'll have companionship with the heavenly choir and love music again because my sister will be there, too.
I will not let this dark world steal my light. I know what's to come...I know what awaits me for all the days after my last day. Money, status...it all fades away. I will never stop seeking out the good or searching for joy. Even if I die trying.
I wish I had known that it's far more important to ground yourself in Jesus fully and completely, above all else in life, against all odds--because his is the only shoulder you'll ever need and ever always have.
-Kels
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Introspective limits
Sometimes the single mom life is the worst form of mental torture.
My own personal introspective hell.
Think, think, think.
Dwell, dwell, dwell.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
And I'm a 100% introvert who lives on thinking and alone time.
Isolation and solidarity have their limits.
New day, please.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Pulling up the weeds
There's just something so deeply rewarding and richly symbolic about pulling up weeds. As I was working in my garden this afternoon, the thought occurred to me that the work I was doing with my hands had more real-life applications than I'd ever before dared notice. Amazing how getting lost in a physical action so rote, routine, and familiar can take your mind to somewhere completely new that draws you to such profound conclusions. There's an art to slowly pulling up those little plants that grow against all odds, disrupting the perfectness of a well-organized garden variety. The gentle tug and lift of some; the necessary act of digging and roughly pulling with others. So, too, exist the tugs and pulls of life.
Musings on Weeds
If you don't get rid of problems fully and opportunistically, they'll come back over and over until you're forced to deal with them head-on. Removal of weeds from a garden bed requires care and attention. You want to get rid of the whole plant. If you pull too hard, you'll have a handful of greenery, and you may not even see a visible weed remaining in the ground. But, carelessly leave the roots behind, and you'll inadvertently re-establish the cycle of pesky growth--just like problems and problem-people (like those toxic, negative people that you eventually have to truly unfriend) in your life.
When you spend time trudging through the weeds, you notice things you never would have noticed otherwise. Life's not all sunshine and rainbows. There are bad times. There are things you won't want to do or surround yourself with. But when you accept it and rest there...just be there in those less-than-ideal places, you'll still find beauty. Like the dozens of itty bitty buds on my vegetable vines that will be zucchini and squash in the coming weeks. Like the pinky-gray-brown earthworms that live under the earth, silently nurturing my plants' roots. Like the teeny tiny purpley-green clover that so delicately hide among the leaves of other plants. A bird's feather resting gently against a stem. A stone so perfectly round and smooth. Had I spent 2 hours even sitting still in nature on my bum, I wouldn't have noticed these things. It took getting on hands and knees, fingers covered in dirt, spade and cultivator in hand, to have my eyes opened to these little wonders. Beyond the sweat and labor was beauty in its purest form.
Sometimes things that appear to be a certain way are, in reality, something vastly deeper and more complex. Let's take dandelions as an example. They look harmless enough on the surface. They're known to be edible, even, and appear on 5-star menus in dandelion green salads across the country. Zig-zaggy-edged leaves, yellow flowers, and the fun gray puffs that you blow to pollenate the dandelion weed that much further. But have you ever tried manually removing them from your garden? Those plants are a beast! No kidding, I've pulled out roots 1 foot long from my garden. There's more than meets the eye with those suckers! And it's the same in life. Things are rarely merely what they seem to be. Never evaluate something only at face value--you'll be deceived.
Value is subjective. Do I assign value and worth to the weeds in my garden? Nope. The vegetables I've planted, though, are a vision of organic nirvana in my mind. Fresh squash, tomatoes, green beans, and more that I've cultivated from seed to mature plant, that I've watched and inspected after each summer storm and sunny day, that I will pluck straight from the vine and eat in their still-warm form ripened just so from the sun's rays? Bliss. Meanwhile, bees happily dine on the blossoms of the dandelion and clover plants. Birds snatch up any old leaf or twig for a nest accoutrement. Rabbits, who love carrots and other vegetables, will just as easily munch on a fresh patch of regular green grass. Why do we waste so much time stating who or what is so much more important that this or that? We humans are all just trying to get by. There are no weeds, no less-thans. God's grace makes us all equal. The only real value is our value in him, not some false valuing system that exists in our minds and in our culture. Human is human.
Doing the rough stuff gets easier. This was my 4th time doing an in-depth de-weeding of my garden this summer. The first time, there were so many weeds that I didn't dare spend the necessary amount of time to get them all. Had I done so, I could have filled a whole trash bag. I filled 3 Kroger bags to the brim and called it a day. The next time, I filled 2 bags. The 3rd time, 1. Today, half of a bag. I find that this is true with any rough thing in life that I choose to tackle head-on. Budgeting, assessing my debt ratio, having a hard conversation with someone, deep cleaning my house, sticking up for myself, whatever. The more I give it a valiant effort and keep at it on a regular basis, the easier it becomes.
You don't know something/someone's limits until you've seen them weather a storm. This summer has been so rainy. I actually haven't been complaining because the days have been so mild, and my power bill has been so low. There's also almost nothing more refreshing than summer rain--(I do love the dog days, though, and wish it would heat up at least a little)--but it's been torturous to some of my vegetable plants. Peas? What few weren't consumed by chipmunks and made it to the seedling phase were uprooted and overturn in the muddy soil after a single summer storm. Tomatoes? One plant snapped clear in half (though I did manage to tie it to the stake in a way that made the stem graft back onto itself, and it's still alive and even has a handful of blooms). Watermelon? The shrimpy growth would make you think I planted them a week ago, instead of a month ago. Eggplant? Very few even sprouted, the soil was so wet. Herbs? Surviving, not thriving. (You catch my drift.) My dandelions and other weeds whose names I haven't even bothered to learn? Sturdy and sprightly as I don't even know what. There are no words to describe how well they've flourished in the near-flooded conditions of this summer. Certain things and people crumble under pressure; others thrive. You often don't know which it'll be until the water gets hot. Why label people? Let them be. Let their reactions to their circumstances show you who they are. It might just save you from eating your foot!
I love that I've found an activity that helps me think with such clarity. I actually can't wait until it's time to weed my garden again! (See? Rough stuff = easier.) I think I'll use that time to also pull up the weeds in my head and clear my mind.
More later,
-Kels
-Kels
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Guarding my daughter's heart
Want to meet a real momma bear? Talk to me! You will never find a fiercer child advocate. I love my daughter beyond comprehension (as do many parents with their children), and I will do absolutely anything to keep her safe and secure. Especially in the wake of the chaos and back-and-forth that she's forced to endure as the product of a split family.
What kinds of things do I do to protect her? Let's walk through a few!
1. Tell her that I love her no matter what. I recently read a great book called The 5 Love Languages of Children, and I highly recommend it for every parent. It stresses that each child has different ways that they feel loved, and it's up to us parents to recognize those needs and consider how our actions will make our children feel. Some children have many love languages; some have 1 or 2 that really speak to them. Kimmy has some of them all, at least right now.
The main theme of the book, though, is this: your child needs to know, hands down, unequivocally, fully, always, that you love her...no matter what. It's not tied to actions, behaviors, physical things, money, mood, stress, or any source of outside influence. Kimmy loves to talk--not just to talk, but to engage in back-and-forth conversation with question after question fueled by her curious little mind and often even if she already knows the answers. That lets me know that one of her love languages right now is words of affirmation. I tell her frequently that I love her. Even if she's mad or I'm mad or something's not going right. I let that little sentence--"I love you, Kimmy."--stand all by itself.
2. Give her structure and a solid routine. I can't control what goes on outside our house, but I can control our home. Toddlers are emotional little beings, full of fluctuating levels of feeling understood, appreciated, and confident. I happen to be blessed with an incredibly articulate little girl who is low on the mood swing and tantrum spectrum. (In lamen's terms, she's an old soul and has this amazing aura of emotional maturity that very few toddlers have. So cool to witness!)
However, as a child of custody and visitation and being passed back and forth and having her comfort disrupted, she is susceptible to deep unsettling feelings on the inside. I see it when she bursts into crocodile tears once in a blue moon when I come home for lunch and have to leave to go back to work. I see it when she stalls at bedtime and bolts up to ask in a slight panic, "Am I staying at Kimmy's house tomorrow?", "What am I doing tomorrow, Mommy?", or "What time/day is it? Do you have to work tomorrow, Momma?" At our house, she is safe and secure. We have rules and bedtimes and regular meals. We have playtime and talking time; reading time and praying time. Kimmy and Mommy's house is safe and sound.
3. Give her thoughtful surprises! This is my favorite thing to do as a mom. Every time Kimmy comes back home from being at her dad's, I make sure to do a little something to welcome her home and let her know how happy I am to see her again. It's not about gifts or spending money; it's about being present in my daughter's life--showing her that her heart, time, thoughts, ideas, and actions are safe with Mommy. I don't want her to ever be spoiled or to expect things, so I mix it up a lot and make sure that I'm giving her a wide array of little surprises and activities. The point is to make her feel loved and to welcome her back into quality time with me with open arms.
Here's a list of some of the things I've done so far:
What kinds of things do I do to protect her? Let's walk through a few!
1. Tell her that I love her no matter what. I recently read a great book called The 5 Love Languages of Children, and I highly recommend it for every parent. It stresses that each child has different ways that they feel loved, and it's up to us parents to recognize those needs and consider how our actions will make our children feel. Some children have many love languages; some have 1 or 2 that really speak to them. Kimmy has some of them all, at least right now.
The main theme of the book, though, is this: your child needs to know, hands down, unequivocally, fully, always, that you love her...no matter what. It's not tied to actions, behaviors, physical things, money, mood, stress, or any source of outside influence. Kimmy loves to talk--not just to talk, but to engage in back-and-forth conversation with question after question fueled by her curious little mind and often even if she already knows the answers. That lets me know that one of her love languages right now is words of affirmation. I tell her frequently that I love her. Even if she's mad or I'm mad or something's not going right. I let that little sentence--"I love you, Kimmy."--stand all by itself.
2. Give her structure and a solid routine. I can't control what goes on outside our house, but I can control our home. Toddlers are emotional little beings, full of fluctuating levels of feeling understood, appreciated, and confident. I happen to be blessed with an incredibly articulate little girl who is low on the mood swing and tantrum spectrum. (In lamen's terms, she's an old soul and has this amazing aura of emotional maturity that very few toddlers have. So cool to witness!)
However, as a child of custody and visitation and being passed back and forth and having her comfort disrupted, she is susceptible to deep unsettling feelings on the inside. I see it when she bursts into crocodile tears once in a blue moon when I come home for lunch and have to leave to go back to work. I see it when she stalls at bedtime and bolts up to ask in a slight panic, "Am I staying at Kimmy's house tomorrow?", "What am I doing tomorrow, Mommy?", or "What time/day is it? Do you have to work tomorrow, Momma?" At our house, she is safe and secure. We have rules and bedtimes and regular meals. We have playtime and talking time; reading time and praying time. Kimmy and Mommy's house is safe and sound.
3. Give her thoughtful surprises! This is my favorite thing to do as a mom. Every time Kimmy comes back home from being at her dad's, I make sure to do a little something to welcome her home and let her know how happy I am to see her again. It's not about gifts or spending money; it's about being present in my daughter's life--showing her that her heart, time, thoughts, ideas, and actions are safe with Mommy. I don't want her to ever be spoiled or to expect things, so I mix it up a lot and make sure that I'm giving her a wide array of little surprises and activities. The point is to make her feel loved and to welcome her back into quality time with me with open arms.
Here's a list of some of the things I've done so far:
- Pick up a fresh stack of books from the library
- Grab a donut with chocolate and sprinkles (Kimmy's favorite kind)
- Get a decaf Frappuccino and pour some in a kid cup, then scoop all the whipped cream on top just for my little lady
- Clean her room and lay out a favorite pair of PJs to wear at bedtime
- Write her a card and let her open it when she gets home
- Bake cookies or muffins and have them ready for her
- Go straight to the playground when we get home
- Set up a coloring station on the dining room table to spend time talking and coloring
- Visit the grocery store, let Kimmy push the cart (seriously, Kroger and Sam's Club are her 2 favorite places on earth right now), let her carry in a bag when we get home, and let her put the items in the bag away. (Okay, I'm aware this one sounds lame, but she loves doing this. I can tell it makes her feel so important, and she knows she will have yummy things to eat at her house when we arrive!)
- Put out all the ingredients for dinner and let her help me cook a meal (even if it takes 4 times as long and my hair turns gray in the time it takes for dinner to cook)
- Tell her a surprise (like plans I've made to do a future fun thing...in this case, Disney) and spend time looking at pictures and videos of said fun place online
- Give her my phone to play with for a little while when we get home. Those eyes light up, and she always feels so special that she gets to use something of mine!
I imagine this could get hairy if I ever surprised her with something drastic like re-arranging the living room or getting rid of half her toys. That would kind of defeat the purpose of welcoming her back to a safe place. For a more drastic surprise, I would probably have to create a longer period of easing her into it...or just un-surprise it and let her help me with whatever the drastic thing is. More on this later, I guess. For now, those happy smiles and excited words at all the little surprises are all my heart needs to know I'm doing something right.
-Kels
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Single momma crash course: how to do Disney for 2 for $1,500
It's no surprise that my 20-something self is broke as a joke more often than not. I'm still in that awkward financial phase where I'm finding my footing and paying off debt like crazy to be free from the stress.
I've also got a severe case of wanderlust. More so than any other person I know, I'd venture to say. Couple that with the forced routinization of raising a toddler, and I'm absolutely desperate to travel and explore at all times with little need for justification or external motivation.
So, imagine my surprise when I received an email from Frontier Airlines nearly a month ago advertising $29 flights to/from many major US destinations. YES, PLEASE!
I tried to talk myself out of it. I tried to refrain from digging deeper and doing that research. I just couldn't stop myself, though. Nope. Couldn't do it.
I booked that IND --> ATL flight for my daughter and me for $166 (taxes and fees included), and I haven't looked back since. One heavenly week in August on the books, and we're Georgia/Florida bound. Let the vacation planning commence!
Mmk. So I've been dying to go to Disney World since I had my precious daughter. As she grew, so did her love for Disney movies and Disney characters and all things Disney. And, I mean, I haven't been to Disney in 10 years now, so I thought, "Why not?" But, wait. Atlanta is not Orlando, right? Right. After running through all my options and trying to optimize on having the ultimate flexibility on this trip, I opted for getting a rental car to travel from ATL to Orlando. I actually discovered that it was cheaper to rent a car for the entire week than to rent it 2 separate times to travel from the Atlanta airport at the beginning of our trip and again to Atlanta at the end. This immediately opened up a world of possibilities for maximizing our fun!
Let's talk budget. I'm determined to do this trip and clock in around $1,500. I may sound crazy, but I think it can be done.
One little tidbit before I delve into numbers: I'm working on repairing my credit--an ongoing goal. I'm doing well, so I keep getting these pre-approved credit card offers in the mail. I did a lot of research, especially where creditkarma.com consumer reviews are concerned, and I decided to sign up for a credit card that offers a pretty generous 9-month introductory 0% APR period. This will allow me to "pay" for and plan most of my trip in advance and pay it off on a rigorous schedule after we return to still come in under the cut-off for the no-interest period. I'll be drastically improving my credit by making these monthly payments on time, I'm going to be careful and closely monitor my balance, and I'm going to have the peace of mind needed to enjoy my daughter's birthday at Disney and not blow the bank. This was a really good decision for me! I feel confident with this little cusion under me.
1. Airfare was step 1. Easy peasy.
Total cost (including tax, fees, and baggage): $166
2. Like I said, we'll be traveling for my daughter's 3rd birthday. ("But she might not remember your trip! Don't do it! She's much too young!" Don't care. Your advice is not solicited or welcome. She will have an amazing time while we're there, and so will I. Also, we will have amazing pictures to look back on, and we'll cherish them always. Oh, and did I mention we're saving about $300 by taking advantage of doing Disney at her current age?) Our first Disney day is August 6, and Kimmy turns 3 on August 7. It's no secret that for Disney World guests under the age of 3, their visit is on Mickey Mouse. Fuh-ree! I talked to a Cast Member through Disney's online chat and confirmed in writing that since she'll be starting her visit at age 2, she's going to be free for her whole trip. Boom! Park-hopping would be overwhelming with a toddler, so not having to spring for that option on my ticket offers even more savings. I purchased my 5-day Disney base ticket from Undercover Tourist and saved about $13 off the Walt Disney World website's cost. They're an authorized vendor, so I'm good to go without worrying that my ticket is a gimmick. In fact, I've already successfully linked it to My Disney Experience account!
Total cost (including tax and fees): $321.95
Running total: $487.95
3. I booked our rental car not long after purchasing my Disney ticket. I used ebates to get my cash back, and I went with the always-reliable, always-economical Enterprise. 7-day rental: check!
Total cost (including tax, fees, and a toddler car seat): $373.41
Running total: $861.36
4. With the flexibility of having a rental car in mind and the ability to drive beyond the realm of Orlando with ease, I reached out to an awesome friend in Tampa, who agreed to host us for 3 of our 6 nights of travel. (Side note: never cut ties with people who were once great people in your life, even many years ago. This summer camp friend and fellow arts lover has popped up with an amazing act of generosity at a really cool point in our adult lives, and I'm so excited to see her again! Bonus awesome thing: her name is also Kelsey. Very cool.) Next, I scoured the web for hotel deals for our remaining 3 nights and came across a golden nugget of information: Caribe Royale, a very fancy-looking Orlando conference hotel, has a deal where with proof of identity/birth date, any guest in your party with a birthday during your stay earns you a FREE night. That's 3 nights for the price of 2 for Kimmy and me. Plus, parking is free, the hotel will be sending a birthday cake up to our room on her birthday, and we'll get 20% off all food/beverage within the hotel during our stay. All I have to do is bring along a copy of her birth certificate. It's a really well-reviewed hotel, and unlike many Orlando hotels, they don't throw in a hidden nightly resort fee. I priced our our stay and compared to some other hotels I had been considering, and we're coming in about $100 under the total for what 3 nights at a Best Western in the same zip code would have been.
Total cost (including taxes and fees): $290.25
Running total: $1,151.61
That covers all our big expenses and leaves me with about $350 in flexible spending.
Here's a rundown of what I'm budgeting out for the rest of our trip expenses:
Additional trip necessities/grocery items (a leash/harness style backpack for my Kimmy, Magicbands, a cheapo umbrella stroller from an Orlando Walmart, and enough grocery items for cereal breakfasts and packed sandwich lunches in the parks): $80.
Georgia visit to Lane's Orchard en route to Florida: Let's face it: I need some Georgia peaches in my life. Pronto. Roadtripping 6 hours from Atlanta, through the land of heavenly peaches, and down to Tampa/Orlando presents a perfect solution to this problem. A friend recommended an orchard/cafe/store (comparable to the Apple Barn in Pigeon Forge, TN) that's just off I-75 on our route to Florida, and we're going to stop to buy enough peaches for our whole week and have dinner there that night, as well. $50.
Disney character breakfast: I wanted one really special meal for Kimmy on her birthday, so I booked a character breakfast at Chef Mickey's. With tip, I'm estimating we'll dine for $40.
Dinners: I'm looking into a lot of "kids eat free" fast-casual restaurants (Sweet Tomatoes, Steak 'n' Shake, etc.), and I estimate $16/dinner spent on the two of us. 16 times 5 will put us at $80.
Souvenirs/in-park snacks: I'm doing my research and pre-selecting most of our souvenirs. That way I have good estimates of what I'll be buying for Kimmy and me, I'll know my price point if I need to swap anything, I'll know how much money I should aim to save, and I'll know how much flexible spending I have in the midst of my overall trip budget. Since it'll be Kimmy's birthday, I'm just going to route our souvenir budget to gifts for her, especially since I don't need anything (you've seen one souvenir; you've seen them all):
Side note: I participate in online surveys for a little extra side cash. I'm planning on cashing in for enough Visa gift cards to totally cover our "additional trip necessities" category and any in-park ice creamy snacks we purchase.
Other side note: This trip will include all kinds of free activities, too, like collecting seashells at Clearwater Beach one evening when we go to meet up with some of my friends from college and playing with Legos in Downtown Disney. There are plenty of memories to be made without spending extra cash!
Final side note: Hopefully my wonderful parents will agree to cover the cost of our 3 tanks of gas needed for our fuel-efficient "Toyota Corolla or similar" for the roadtripping portion of our vacay. It is their only grandchild's only 3rd birthday celebration, after all. (Love you, Mom and Dad!)
And there you have it. How these 2 are gonna do Disney for $1,500.
What do you think, fellow Disney lovers? Am I right on the money, or am I totally clueless? What's your #1 tip for this single momma's first Dynamic Duo Does Disney vacation with her little lady?
More later.
-Kels
I've also got a severe case of wanderlust. More so than any other person I know, I'd venture to say. Couple that with the forced routinization of raising a toddler, and I'm absolutely desperate to travel and explore at all times with little need for justification or external motivation.
So, imagine my surprise when I received an email from Frontier Airlines nearly a month ago advertising $29 flights to/from many major US destinations. YES, PLEASE!
I tried to talk myself out of it. I tried to refrain from digging deeper and doing that research. I just couldn't stop myself, though. Nope. Couldn't do it.
I booked that IND --> ATL flight for my daughter and me for $166 (taxes and fees included), and I haven't looked back since. One heavenly week in August on the books, and we're Georgia/Florida bound. Let the vacation planning commence!
Mmk. So I've been dying to go to Disney World since I had my precious daughter. As she grew, so did her love for Disney movies and Disney characters and all things Disney. And, I mean, I haven't been to Disney in 10 years now, so I thought, "Why not?" But, wait. Atlanta is not Orlando, right? Right. After running through all my options and trying to optimize on having the ultimate flexibility on this trip, I opted for getting a rental car to travel from ATL to Orlando. I actually discovered that it was cheaper to rent a car for the entire week than to rent it 2 separate times to travel from the Atlanta airport at the beginning of our trip and again to Atlanta at the end. This immediately opened up a world of possibilities for maximizing our fun!
Let's talk budget. I'm determined to do this trip and clock in around $1,500. I may sound crazy, but I think it can be done.
One little tidbit before I delve into numbers: I'm working on repairing my credit--an ongoing goal. I'm doing well, so I keep getting these pre-approved credit card offers in the mail. I did a lot of research, especially where creditkarma.com consumer reviews are concerned, and I decided to sign up for a credit card that offers a pretty generous 9-month introductory 0% APR period. This will allow me to "pay" for and plan most of my trip in advance and pay it off on a rigorous schedule after we return to still come in under the cut-off for the no-interest period. I'll be drastically improving my credit by making these monthly payments on time, I'm going to be careful and closely monitor my balance, and I'm going to have the peace of mind needed to enjoy my daughter's birthday at Disney and not blow the bank. This was a really good decision for me! I feel confident with this little cusion under me.
1. Airfare was step 1. Easy peasy.
Total cost (including tax, fees, and baggage): $166
2. Like I said, we'll be traveling for my daughter's 3rd birthday. ("But she might not remember your trip! Don't do it! She's much too young!" Don't care. Your advice is not solicited or welcome. She will have an amazing time while we're there, and so will I. Also, we will have amazing pictures to look back on, and we'll cherish them always. Oh, and did I mention we're saving about $300 by taking advantage of doing Disney at her current age?) Our first Disney day is August 6, and Kimmy turns 3 on August 7. It's no secret that for Disney World guests under the age of 3, their visit is on Mickey Mouse. Fuh-ree! I talked to a Cast Member through Disney's online chat and confirmed in writing that since she'll be starting her visit at age 2, she's going to be free for her whole trip. Boom! Park-hopping would be overwhelming with a toddler, so not having to spring for that option on my ticket offers even more savings. I purchased my 5-day Disney base ticket from Undercover Tourist and saved about $13 off the Walt Disney World website's cost. They're an authorized vendor, so I'm good to go without worrying that my ticket is a gimmick. In fact, I've already successfully linked it to My Disney Experience account!
Total cost (including tax and fees): $321.95
Running total: $487.95
3. I booked our rental car not long after purchasing my Disney ticket. I used ebates to get my cash back, and I went with the always-reliable, always-economical Enterprise. 7-day rental: check!
Total cost (including tax, fees, and a toddler car seat): $373.41
Running total: $861.36
4. With the flexibility of having a rental car in mind and the ability to drive beyond the realm of Orlando with ease, I reached out to an awesome friend in Tampa, who agreed to host us for 3 of our 6 nights of travel. (Side note: never cut ties with people who were once great people in your life, even many years ago. This summer camp friend and fellow arts lover has popped up with an amazing act of generosity at a really cool point in our adult lives, and I'm so excited to see her again! Bonus awesome thing: her name is also Kelsey. Very cool.) Next, I scoured the web for hotel deals for our remaining 3 nights and came across a golden nugget of information: Caribe Royale, a very fancy-looking Orlando conference hotel, has a deal where with proof of identity/birth date, any guest in your party with a birthday during your stay earns you a FREE night. That's 3 nights for the price of 2 for Kimmy and me. Plus, parking is free, the hotel will be sending a birthday cake up to our room on her birthday, and we'll get 20% off all food/beverage within the hotel during our stay. All I have to do is bring along a copy of her birth certificate. It's a really well-reviewed hotel, and unlike many Orlando hotels, they don't throw in a hidden nightly resort fee. I priced our our stay and compared to some other hotels I had been considering, and we're coming in about $100 under the total for what 3 nights at a Best Western in the same zip code would have been.
Total cost (including taxes and fees): $290.25
Running total: $1,151.61
That covers all our big expenses and leaves me with about $350 in flexible spending.
Here's a rundown of what I'm budgeting out for the rest of our trip expenses:
Additional trip necessities/grocery items (a leash/harness style backpack for my Kimmy, Magicbands, a cheapo umbrella stroller from an Orlando Walmart, and enough grocery items for cereal breakfasts and packed sandwich lunches in the parks): $80.
Georgia visit to Lane's Orchard en route to Florida: Let's face it: I need some Georgia peaches in my life. Pronto. Roadtripping 6 hours from Atlanta, through the land of heavenly peaches, and down to Tampa/Orlando presents a perfect solution to this problem. A friend recommended an orchard/cafe/store (comparable to the Apple Barn in Pigeon Forge, TN) that's just off I-75 on our route to Florida, and we're going to stop to buy enough peaches for our whole week and have dinner there that night, as well. $50.
Disney character breakfast: I wanted one really special meal for Kimmy on her birthday, so I booked a character breakfast at Chef Mickey's. With tip, I'm estimating we'll dine for $40.
Dinners: I'm looking into a lot of "kids eat free" fast-casual restaurants (Sweet Tomatoes, Steak 'n' Shake, etc.), and I estimate $16/dinner spent on the two of us. 16 times 5 will put us at $80.
Souvenirs/in-park snacks: I'm doing my research and pre-selecting most of our souvenirs. That way I have good estimates of what I'll be buying for Kimmy and me, I'll know my price point if I need to swap anything, I'll know how much money I should aim to save, and I'll know how much flexible spending I have in the midst of my overall trip budget. Since it'll be Kimmy's birthday, I'm just going to route our souvenir budget to gifts for her, especially since I don't need anything (you've seen one souvenir; you've seen them all):
- Definitely doing the pack-your-own-box of Disney-speficic Mr. Potato Head parts for $20.
- Pick-a-pearl at Japan in Epcot: $15.
- A light-up thingamajigger at the Magic Kingdom fireworks show: $25.
- Minnie Mouse ears w/embroidery: $15.
- In-park snacks (let's just call this our Dole Whip and ice cream budget @ 1 to share per day): $24.
Total of all extra expenses: $349
Running total: $1,500!
Running total: $1,500!
Side note: I participate in online surveys for a little extra side cash. I'm planning on cashing in for enough Visa gift cards to totally cover our "additional trip necessities" category and any in-park ice creamy snacks we purchase.
Other side note: This trip will include all kinds of free activities, too, like collecting seashells at Clearwater Beach one evening when we go to meet up with some of my friends from college and playing with Legos in Downtown Disney. There are plenty of memories to be made without spending extra cash!
Final side note: Hopefully my wonderful parents will agree to cover the cost of our 3 tanks of gas needed for our fuel-efficient "Toyota Corolla or similar" for the roadtripping portion of our vacay. It is their only grandchild's only 3rd birthday celebration, after all. (Love you, Mom and Dad!)
And there you have it. How these 2 are gonna do Disney for $1,500.
What do you think, fellow Disney lovers? Am I right on the money, or am I totally clueless? What's your #1 tip for this single momma's first Dynamic Duo Does Disney vacation with her little lady?
More later.
-Kels
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Guy friends
I miss having guy friends.
(Let me be clear: I am not talking about a boyfriend or any type of romantic companion/fling/relationship.)
I just miss having guys in my life who are my go-to people. I used to have the best guy friends!!!! Tons of them! We have since all grown apart. But for years and years, I had up to 10 at any given time that I could text or call or just go hang out with and be myself with. I'm not just talking quantity, either. These were all amazing friends, and I had awesome relationships with them all.
I've gradually turned into an old fart of a 20-something woman who stays at home most of the time with her kiddo or only goes out when errands are necessary. My friendship artillery is a whole hoard of women--nothing wrong with that, nothing bad...just vastly different from age, oh, 14 on. It's a huge adjustment for me.
Guy friendships are easy and natural. Secrets feel safer. Jokes come easier. There are no emotional over-reactions to deal with. Very little drama. More adventurousness and spontaneity and random/fun activities. A good amount of space and alone time and non-high-maintenance.
I suppose I'm just feeling rather hum-drum these days.
So, if any young whippersnapper guys are out there who want to be my sounding board and activities companions all spring/summer and beyond, apply now.
Also, I need some member of the male gender at some point to show me that not all of you are selfish scumbags.
K. So there's that.
-KP
(Let me be clear: I am not talking about a boyfriend or any type of romantic companion/fling/relationship.)
I just miss having guys in my life who are my go-to people. I used to have the best guy friends!!!! Tons of them! We have since all grown apart. But for years and years, I had up to 10 at any given time that I could text or call or just go hang out with and be myself with. I'm not just talking quantity, either. These were all amazing friends, and I had awesome relationships with them all.
I've gradually turned into an old fart of a 20-something woman who stays at home most of the time with her kiddo or only goes out when errands are necessary. My friendship artillery is a whole hoard of women--nothing wrong with that, nothing bad...just vastly different from age, oh, 14 on. It's a huge adjustment for me.
Guy friendships are easy and natural. Secrets feel safer. Jokes come easier. There are no emotional over-reactions to deal with. Very little drama. More adventurousness and spontaneity and random/fun activities. A good amount of space and alone time and non-high-maintenance.
I suppose I'm just feeling rather hum-drum these days.
So, if any young whippersnapper guys are out there who want to be my sounding board and activities companions all spring/summer and beyond, apply now.
Also, I need some member of the male gender at some point to show me that not all of you are selfish scumbags.
K. So there's that.
-KP
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Must be nice
Tonight I discovered that someone I have blocked on Instagram (and all social media) has been using my daughter's hashtag, #kimmyjarae.
Too bad hashtags are public. In my naivety, I was eagerly scrolling back through my Kimmy hashtag, expecting to see nothing other than my own tagged pictures of my baby girl and visualize how much she's grown over the past few months.
So, intent. Is this being done as a means of provocation? (Who knows, and my brain probably doesn't need to be there anyway.) As a means of trying to fit in? Most definitely. And that's just so sad!
It must be nice to occasionally play house with a well-behaved, loving toddler who isn't yours. Whose discipline and teaching you have had no part in. Whose care and financial provision you take no part in. Whose heart you've not protected from the womb days on. Whom you never nursed, never anxiously waited up with all night until the doctor's office opens at 8am so that you can her her in for a much-needed appointment, never been present with for a first anything. I'd imagine that would make you feel like the odd woman out right quick.
(Actually, I'm thankful that Cheaterman's partner in deception claims to love my daughter. If it's at all genuine, that's absolutely the best outcome for my sweet daughter in the swirl of all of this childish, flighty behavior.)
What's despicable and sad is that she's thrusting herself full force at a toddler who is in a very vulnerable stage of transition. She doesn't need gifts and forced selfies with a non-Mom figure who is showering her with confusing messages via PDA with her dad and who knows what menagerie of other nonsense!
Hashtag confusing. Hashtag givehertimetoadjust. Hashtag considerherperspective.
What's more, how can one live with herself when she is outwardly taking away from her partner's daughter's livelihood? He can't scrape together more than $500 per month for his daughter (which ONLY covers just over half of one month's childcare costs; let's not even talk food, medical insurance, housing, clothing, or personal care. It's mayyyybe 1/3 the actual cost of a child's monthly expenses, and that's if I'm being generous), yet he can afford dinners out and God knows what else with this person?
Hashtag IRRESPONSIBLE. Hashtag growup. Hashtag wakeup.
This is why I block people on social media. I do not want to be party to these people's dreamworld/alternate reality.
Going to sleep tonight seriously THANKING GOD from the bottom of my heart that I have a strong sense of reality, that my daughter's emotional health is priority numero uno at all times, that I have the selflessness and sheer common sense to put my baby first, and that I have an entire magazine of means to take care of my daughter and help her thrive.
That's why she calls me Mom.
Hashtag onlyone.
-Kels
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