On Christ the solid rock I stand

I've been pretty down the past few days. There, I said it.

I'm sure it's from some combination of being cooped up inside for 4 days, due to the extremely low temperatures that accompanied the polar vortex; missing out on 2 days' pay at work while the university was closed, since I'm only a part-time employee; and feeling like I can't shake this sinus infection/possible ear infection I've had going on for over a week.

And then there's the mountain of debt I'm under, my inability to find full-time employment, my house (well, apartment) being a constant wreck, feeling rather unhappy with my health lately. Oh, and that good news I alluded to in a recent post? Yeah, nothing came of that. I could go on, but I'll spare you the whining. Also, that's so not where I'm heading with this post.

I just spent a very refreshing shower pondering all the possible topics I could expound upon tonight. I thought and thought as the hot water relaxed my tense muscles, and the steam loosened my sinuses.

After a long train of thought that went absolutely nowhere, a familiar song started playing in my head. I grew up with hymn after glorious hymn being etched in my memory (one of the perks of being the daughter of a Baptist pianist/organist): something I frequently forget until one of those tunes starts playing in my head. I take it as a message from God, saying, "Hey, remember me? Remember these words and that melody that are somewhere in your brain and have the capacity to shake your bad mood and make you remember how much I love you?"

Through all my struggles--through my current test--part of my job, part of the reason I've been planted here, as I see it, is to help others. To reach out by using my gift of language and my mind full of vast amounts of information to write a message whose words will grab someone's perspective, shake it, and mold it into something softer, more enlightened, and renewed. Tonight, God gave me the power to do that.

"My Hope is Built on Nothing Less"
by Edward Mote, 1797-1874
1. My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
 

3. His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Text: 1 Timothy 1:1

I love these words. I'm not the only one with problems, and there are others who have it far worse. My struggles are real, sure, but so are everyone else's. So what's the message in all this?

This world and every thing and circumstance in it is feeble...breakable and uncertain. God is mighty. God is unchanging and unshakable.

Where should we turn when times get tough? Who can give us hope? Who provides an unwavering stronghold? Who has the timing and the answers?

No human. No thing. Only Jesus. He's waiting for you. He hears your cries when no one else can.

Here's to a happy tomorrow in Christ!

-Kels

Life before and after Kimmy

It's no secret that my daughter was a huge surprise. After our initial shock, Jarrell and I quickly accepted that Kimmy would be part of our lives without ever looking back. She is such a joy!

We all have our tales of pre-baby naïveté, though, and this is mine.

While I was pregnant with Kimmy, Jarrell and I basically did whatever we wanted when we wanted. We went to the movies, the grocery store, out for drives, to the bedroom to take naps, out shopping, out to eat, etc.

I knew pregnancy was hard work, tiring, and no small responsibility.

I knew labor was painful. I knew it was generally a long process for a first child.

I knew very well that not all babies are good (calm, happy, good sleepers, all that) and was aware that newborns drained you of all energy. However, I had been around enough babies to feel comfortable caring for and being tender with my own newborn.

Despite all the [unsolicited] advice from friends and family, I was still in for a few shockers once my sweet baby arrived. I suppose it's a rite of passage for all parents and is just one of those things you have to experience for yourself.

Shocker #1: morning sickness is no light, laughing matter--pregnancy is hard. It can rock your world. My 1st trimester was ripe with weight loss (22 lbs.) and sleeping up to 18 hours a day. The most physically exhausting time of my entire life to date.

Shocker #2: labor pains HURT, and giving birth is no easy feat. Worst pain of my life. Worse than anyone could ever attempt to describe. Epidurals sometimes don't take. In my case, neither of mine did. Sometimes labor doesn't progress as it should. Birth plans can go awry. C-sections become a valid option when you've all but given up on getting your child out of the womb. (Side note: Having a C-section doesn't make you any less of a person, woman, or mother, and your birth can be just as joyous as a traditional birth!)

Shocker #3: newborns cry. A lot. I was fully prepared for my baby to be instantly comforted by whatever means I attempted to calm her. Wrong! Newborns have to learn to be comforted by what their parents do. It took a full week for Kimmy to be calmed as quickly and easily as I had envisioned. Luckily, I was blessed with a wonderfully happy child who was relatively low-maintenance as newborns go.

Shocker #4: free time is a thing of the past. I knew the first few months would be exhausting, but all those people who warned me about never sleeping again were actually wrong. Kimmy has always been a good sleeper, and sleeping when she slept as an infant made feeling rested a pretty attainable goal most days.

What they really should have warned me about was never getting to do anything on my time table again...such as getting out of the house by a certain time, getting to go to the store alone, being able to spend time or money on yourself or your own needs, and (the most shocking to me for whatever reason) getting to go to the movies. Jarrell and I have been to the movies once since Kimmy was born. One time. We used to go all the time, but what a different phase of life we are in! I've been twice with Kimmy to see animated films, but it would be lovely to go see something with my big love again.

I don't know what I was thinking--maybe that after a certain point in Kimmy's childhood we'd get more free time. Or I guess maybe that's true, but we're still a few years away from that. Babies and toddlers need constant care. It is very much a give, give, give activity being a mother...but I gain much more than I ever thought possible by giving my love and attention to Kimmy-girl.

(And, luckily, we do have one free night of childcare lined up for when we do decide to go to the movies next! It's wonderful to have good friends.)

The lesson in all this: be appreciative. Priorities change, life becomes about other things, and routine becomes a thing of the past. Through all this, never take things for granted because you never know when your "normal" will shift.

More later. 

-Kels

Creamy vegetable pasta bake

I am a big fan of "winging it" for dinner. Tonight I did just that and concocted a delicious comfort food masterpiece!

Creamy Vegetable Pasta Bake

Ingredients:

3/4 lb. penne pasta

1 large onion, diced

1 c. frozen cut broccoli, thawed

3/4 c. frozen sweet peas, thawed

1 can cream of mushroom soup

1 1/2 c. milk

3/4 c. grated parmesan

2 tbsp. mayonnaise

1 clove fresh garlic, minced

1 c. sharp cheddar, finely shredded

1/2 stick butter, divided

1/8 c. Italian breadcrumbs

Dash salt and pepper

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. Grease large casserole dish with 1 tbsp. butter.

3. Caramelize onions (2 tbsp. butter, medium heat, 10-15 minutes or until onions are a deep golden color).

4. Cook pasta al dente. Drain and remove to large bowl. (Do not rinse! You need the gluten to help the sauce thicken and adhere as it cooks.)

5. Heat mushroom soup, milk, and remaining tbsp. of butter in a saucepan over medium-low heat. Once smooth, gradually whisk in cheeses until melted and thickened. (I've had trouble with melted-cheese sauces in the past. My tips: grate/shred your cheese very finely to avoid clumps and really add it in gradually--maybe 1/2 c. at a time.)

6. Add vegetables, mayonnaise, garlic, salt, and pepper to pasta and toss. Transfer to casserole dish.

7. Pour cheese sauce over pasta mixture and allow to sit for 1-2 minutes to absorb.

8. Sprinkle breadcrumbs on top.

9. Bake 20 minutes covered and 15 minutes more uncovered, or until breadcrumbs are a deep golden brown.

This was a pretty hearty and complete meal, but we ate it with pan-seared chicken breasts. It would also be delicious with sautéed shrimp or even a simple slice of garlic bread. We will definitely be eating this one again!

As always, feel free to share!

More later.

-Kels

Blog topic suggestions

I know I've got a bunch of readers, thanks to my Facebook shares, and I'd like to know what you'd like me to blog about!

Submit a comment on this post (not on Facebook) and let me know! It'll give me a nice idea of who's reading and what you'd like to know about me. More suggestions = more posts. :)

-Kels

Cabbage rolls

Happy New Year! I'm not big on considering New Years a holiday, but I'll go with it. I like the symbolism of a fresh start, but I truly loathe new year's resolutions. Personally, I don't feel that I need a new year for a new goal. If I want to set a new goal, I just do it, no matter what time of year! I like it better that way for multiple reasons, but especially so I don't fall into the pool of people who crumble under the pressure and fail miserably at their resolutions a month or two in.

Regardless, we had a wonderful first day of January! Jarrell had work, but I had the day off. Kimmy and I woke up a little before 8:00am, ate breakfast, and watched some cartoons in bed. We were both so sleepy and on the verge of dozing off, so I put her back in her bed and got back in mine. We ended up going back to sleep until almost noon! It was wonderfully refreshing. After that, I fed her her lunch and got to work on my cabbage rolls. We played all afternoon until she took nap #2. That evening when Jarrell got home from work, our friends Josh and Laura had just arrived, and dinner was almost ready. We enjoyed a lovely evening of good food and good conversation...and a little of the Rose Bowl game. I love having friends who live close by and don't mind our cluttered, toddlery home!

So, let's talk cabbage rolls. In my hometown (and I suppose southern WV in general), everyone makes cabbage rolls on New Years Day. Everyone. It's actually almost impossible to find cabbage or sauerkraut in the grocery store if you wait until New Years Eve/Day to shop. My childhood is full of memories of Gugs's NYD cabbage rolls with half-dollars or quarters inside a select few. If you found one with a coin, you were supposed to have good luck the whole year through. It's just an old superstition and purely for fun, but we always looked forward to it.

My Gugs is one amazing cook, and I'm so glad I've grown up cooking this recipe with her. It's one that I'm proudly sharing because it's just so delicious and fulfilling. However, I did tweak it ever so slightly this time around. I added a few things, and I altered it to make fewer rolls, since it's basically just Jarrell and I having a go at this year. Anyway, here goes:

Cabbage Rolls (to feed 2 - 4 people with leftovers...so, about 20 rolls)
Ingredients:
1 large head green cabbage
1 1/2 lbs. ground beef, raw
1 medium onion, diced
3 c. white rice, cooked
1/2 c. fresh parsley, chopped
1 tbsp. salt
2 tsp. black pepper
1 large jar/package/can sauerkraut (do not drain)
1 large can diced tomatoes (do not drain)
1 regular-sized can tomato sauce
1 package kielbasa or smoked sausage, halved lengthwise and cut into 4"-ish pieces
Potatoes

Directions:
Boil a large pot of water and cook cabbage with lid on about 20 minutes or until softened and brightly colored. Cook rice and set aside to cool. (Minute rice is fine, but it tends to lose its texture through the 2nd cooking process. If you have the patience for regular medium/long-grain white rice, use that.) Submerge cabbage in a large bowl of ice water to cool. In a separate large bowl, combine ground beef, onion, rice, parsley, salt, and pepper--doesn't have to be homogenous, but you don't want massive chunks of meat that won't cook evenly. Flip your head of cabbage to the core side and slice through leaves individually with a sharp knife, removing leaves to a colander to drain. If some leaves are smaller, that's okay; hang on to them, in case you need a patch for a torn leaf. In a large stock pot or crock pot, add a thin layer of kraut, tomatoes, and tomato sauce. On a large cutting board or clean counter, assemble your rolls. Put about 1/2 c. of filling in each cabbage leaf, and roll it up like a burrito. Add them to your pot seam side down. If you have a torn leaf or one that's too small to hold the filling, double wrap it. Add the remaining kraut, tomatoes, and tomato sauce on top of the assembled rolls in the pot--the weight will help hold the rolls down and stay sealed. If there isn't enough liquid to cover, add more. These take 4 hours on high in a crock pot or 1 hour boil-to-strong-simmer on a stovetop. Serve with mashed potatoes and fried kielbasa/sausage

Now, my family quarters and dices the sausage and puts it right in the stock pot. It adds a great flavor, but I've found that the soft texture really bothers me. You don't get that nice, tense crunch through the sausage casing like you do when you sear it in a pan. We served the sausage on the side for the first time last night, and it was so delicious! Get a nice forkful of cabbage/filing, mashed potatoes, and sausage, and, in the words of my brother, "your tastebuds will haaaaave a party!"

To all my readers, I wish you a 2014 full of Christ, family, success, love, wealth, smiles, laughter, and all the things that make you happy!

-Kels

Being happy for others

Let's face it: we live in a competitive and superlative society, full of titles like "best," "biggest," "prettiest," "largest," "thinnest," "smartest," and so many more that it's actually kind of unbelievable how long it would take to list them all.

Add the concept of trying to come out on top to a world of ABCDFs in school, standardized tests, high unemployment, few jobs, siblings, scholarships, and parental/peer/sociatal pressure, and you've got a world of people perfectly bred to reach for their own ambitions without a thought to others' success--people who spend so much time tunnel-visioning their way through their own lives that they can actually grow to resent anything positive going on in the lives of those around them.

I'll admit that this is something I've struggled with throughout my upbringing. It's really hard to find your niche when you're a middle child, and you feel like you have to fight for your position among your siblings and peers. Yes, it seems unbelievable to some that birth order can have that strong of an effect on your psyche, but I'm here to tell you that it can...and very often does. I hesitate to say it, but unless you're a middle child, it's likely hard for you to empathize enough to fully grasp how middle-child-ness affects all aspects of childhood to the extent that it begins to shape your self. (But that's another story, and it's not one I harbor any resentment towards, in case your mind has gone there.)

So, on to my point. It took me up until the ripe old age of about 23 to begin to see the light. When I was pregnant, someone who has had fertility issues made a really snotty comment to me that was laced with jealousy and resentment and even undertones of "I don't feel you deserve to be a mother because you are unmarried, and your pregnancy was unplanned--HOW DARE YOU GET PREGNANT AND GET TO BE A MOM WHEN I'M STRUGGLING TO DO SO?" Even though being a mom has been a life-long goal for me and has made me the happiest person alive...and even though I'm a damn good mother because I love the living snot out of my child. (And, also, even though that person is now a parent.) No, I never called this person out; that's not in my character. But, I haven't said much else to them since that incident because I didn't appreciate having my success attacked.

I learned something, though. Something deep and profound and meaningful that has taken me to very happy places since it dawned on me. It doesn't matter who is better or smarter or faster or more successful. It doesn't matter who accomplished one of your goals before you got around to doing it. It doesn't matter whose kid learned something first. It doesn't matter which of your young-professional friends got a higher starting salary or a better job title. What matters is this: we're all on this journey of life together. We all have struggles. We all have hurdles, hoops to jump through, life transitions to maneuver, and, I'll say it, failures.

It matters how you treat other people's success. It matters how you talk to people. Because one day, all those people you supported and congratulated and were truly happy for...will do and be the same for you. They will make you feel validated, uplifted, and, beyond all, loved. And here's the kicker: those types of people--the ones who support all the positive in your life--will also be there for you when you hit rock bottom, without question or judgment. I don't know about you, but that's the type of person I want to both be and have in my life!

This Christmas

Wow, where to start? The last week (or however long it's been since I last posted) has been so eventful--full of good and bad.

Miss Kimmy came down with a stomach virus on Friday. As soon as I left for work, she projectile vomited twice. Brooke is a saint for cleaning up that mess. Baby puke is no fun!

Little miss and I left for WV Friday after I got off work, and while she didn't puke in the car, she was NOT feeling well at all the whole weekend. She barely drank water on Saturday. She wouldn't eat. She finally started drinking water Sunday, except it made her vomit. Her poor little tummy was so upset. She must not have gotten too dehydrated, though, because she still went #2 just once a day. It was diarrhea, but still, much better than constant diarrhea with rash and all that. She's better now and has been eating like a little piggy!

I started having tummy troubles on Sunday that are still not fully resolved as of today. Jarrell, too. We're kind of a mess. I had to call off work on Monday, despite needing the money. Since Brooke was coming to watch Kimmy already, I used that morning to finish Christmas shopping, but I battled extreme nausea and bathroom runs all day. Ugh! We made a huge Christmas dinner yesterday, despite our stomachs turning us against even wanting to cook. Since our appetites are so dormant right now, we barely ate anything. We sat at the table forcing bites down. It was pretty pitiful! I must have overdone it because I threw up almost immediately after waking up this morning. (Sadly, I puked in the sink because it came up so quickly, and I'm pretty sure I clogged up the sink. Gonna have to call and have it looked at.) But, I'm sure we'll feel better in a few days.

We had a fun time in WV, despite Kimmy being so sick! We (really, Gugs and Mom) made Christmas goodies, like cookes and peanut-butter balls. Dad and I took my car to be serviced (state inspection, oil change, and tire rotation) and spent so much time farting around at Lowe's, Home Depot, and Rite-Aid that my car was done while we were still out, so we didn't have to go back out all day.

Kimmy and I had a LONG drive back on Sunday. I was so happy to get off the road and relax. It was also nice to get back to Jarrell.

Christmas Eve was spent cleaning, doing laundry, and making final Christmas preparations. Kimmy and I had a nice day together, but I kept thinking to myself all day, "I can't wait for her to open up her new toys tomorrow, so we'll have some new material to make believe and play with!"

We decided against going out to church, since Jarrell didn't get home from work until almost 8:00pm. Instead, I led a candlelight service in our living room right before Kimmy's bedtime. We prayed, sang, read Luke chapter 2, and took communion (saltine crackers and sparkling red grape juice). It was so nice! Kimmy whined the entire time because she was sleepy, so I was glad we were home, instead of being disruptive in church. It was also SO cold outside. I'm sure God appreciated the time we took to honor Jesus that evening.

I was giddy that night. I couldn't fall asleep until about 2:30am, and I was up by 7:00. I was just so excited for Kimmy's reaction! Santa Claus came around midnight and left Kimmy some great goodies: a play kitchen, a Mickey Mouse stuffed animal, and a Curious George stuffed animal.

Once my crew finally woke up a little after 8:00 on Christmas morning, we got to see how Kimmy liked her stuff! She didn't have much of a reaction at first--I think she didn't know if it was hers or not. Once she noticed her new babies in the floor, though, she went straight for George! I'm sad to say that after a long run in 1st, Mickey Mouse is now a strong 2nd place. Curious George and Kimmy have so much in common that I guess it was an inevitable switch.

She LOVES her kitchen! We had to pry her away from it to open up her play food, doll house, blocks, hug-me Elmo, 101 Dalmations Cruella DeVille car, clothes, books, and bath toys. She got so much awesome stuff! I'm glad it wasn't overdone, though. I saw so many pictures on Facebook of babies--little babies--with about 40 toys! I'm not judging; I think it's great to have new toys. For us, though, I just don't know where on earth we would store all that stuff. And does Kimmy tend to play with all her toys on a daily basis, but I think she would have been a little overwhelmed with more stuff than she got.

In fact, I think she was slightly overwhelmed. She woke up late last night crying and trembling, which is unusual for her. She remembered about her gifts and wanted to play, play, play into the night. I think she would've stayed up until about 4:00am if we had let her!

Jarrell got a 49ers jersey, Lord of the Rings extended edition Blu-ray set, The Heat on DVD, a calendar, and some yummy candy in his stocking.

I got way too much stuff. My parents and Gugs overdid it, as did Jarrell. Luckily, lots of it will experience shared usage. Here's the list: a beautiful gold-colored chenile throw for my couch, Downton Abbey seasons 1-3 on DVD, 3 cookbooks, a waffle iron, a toaster (YAY, finally! So tired of broiling and occasionally burning good bread), a 9x13 baking pan and lid, 2 round springform pans, a garlic press, a standing cheese grater, metal measuring spoons and cups, a jelly-roll pan with lid, a sweater, 2 tank tops, a pair of jeans, an IU hoodie, a calendar, the Divergent book series, Sophie's Choice on DVD, a stocking full of candy, and a few other things that aren't coming immediately to my mind. SO MUCH STUFF. I know it will all get used and am very thankful to have received so many nice things, but I feel bad that I didn't reciprocate the giving. Maybe next year I will have more money to do so.

Jarrell and I had a lazy Christmas, full of bathroom trips (I know...sorry), cooking, watching Downton Abbey and The Heat, playing with Kimmy, and napping. Well, Kimmy and I napped; Jarrell stayed up. We did manage to tidy up the living room, though, and we also did 2 loads of dishes!

Here's what we cooked:

• breakfast casserole (tater tots, sausage, onions, eggs, cheese)
• spinach-artichoke dip (SO GOOD!)
• roast duck
• Yukon gold potatoes fried in duck fat
• sauteed green beans and asparagus
• homemade yeast cloverleaf rolls
• broccoli-rice casserole
• deviled eggs
• red velvet cupcakes

We were also supposed to make roasted acorn squash with butter and brown sugar, as well as rice pudding. I just knew it would be futile, since we were so non-hungry already. I'll make those things in a few days when we're feeling a little better.

It was so nice not to have anywhere to be on Christmas day. We've always been obligated to family in WV or PA on holidays. Not that our visits haven't been nice, but it was wonderful to not even have to leave the house! We literally woke up, walked down the hall, opened gifts, cooked in our kitchen, ate at our table, and walked to our bedrooms at bedtime. I hope every year is this easy!

I had an important meeting on Monday, and I'm waiting on the results of that. Yes, I'm being cryptic; I know. I just don't want to be too verbal about it just yet, and I also need to wait to hear something officially. But, I *think* I will be getting some big, giant, GOOD news soon! I hope.

That's all for now, I suppose. I think I'm going to start keeping a running list of topics to blog about. Things come to me occasionally before I've had time to properly gather my thoughts about them. Then as quickly as they enter my head for brainstorming, they're forgotten. Hence the big gaps in posts sometimes. So, I think a list will help.

If anyone is reading, I hope you had a very Merry Christmas!

-Kels